Lililalaya

EPISODE 1: MOTH AND FLAME

There is a man named Williger. Williger is employed as a writer for a very successful magazine company. He is engaged to the daughter of the magazine company’s owner. Williger’s relationship with the owner’s daughter has been very beneficial to Williger, both financially and career-wise.

Today, Williger is traveling to a mansion that belongs to a very beautiful, very famous, very rich female celebrity named Lililalaya. Lililalaya is a supermodel and an actress and a songstress. She agreed to grant an exclusive interview to the magazine that Williger works for, hence Williger’s reason for traveling to Lililalaya’s mansion today. Thanks to Williger’s relationship with the daughter of the magazine company’s owner, Williger was chosen from among the magazine’s many writers to conduct the exclusive interview with Lililalaya.

Williger arrives at Lililalaya’s mansion. As Williger’s arrival was expected, one of Lililalaya’s many maids lets Williger into the mansion. In the mansion, the maid leads Williger upstairs, into Lililalaya’s bedroom, where Lililalaya wants the interview to take place for some reason. Other than Williger and the maid, Lililalaya’s bedroom is devoid of people. The maid says that Lililalaya is currently doing her morning swim in her in-ground pool elsewhere in her mansion. The maid says that Lililalaya will join him in the bedroom shortly. The maid exits Lililalaya’s bedroom, leaving Williger alone in Lililalaya’s bedroom.

A few minutes later, Lililalaya enters her bedroom. Though Williger has seen Lililalaya many, many times in movies and in music videos and on magazine covers, this is his first time seeing Lililalaya in person. Williger finds her even more beautiful in person. He is overwhelmed by her beauty.

Williger begins to conduct the interview with Lililalaya. At first, the interview is going unremarkably. However, Lililalaya then begins making flirtatious comments to Williger.

A few hours later, Lililalaya has convinced Williger to become her live-in boyfriend and to dump his fiancee and to quit his job at the magazine company. Williger quits his job via telephone. Williger then dumps his fiancee, also via telephone. Then Williger begins his new life as Lililalaya’s live-in boyfriend.

However, a few hours later, Lililalaya has become bored with Williger. She dumps him, then has her maids forcibly remove him from the mansion.

EPISODE 2: PERSONAL ASSISTANTS

In the morning, Herk wakes up in his extra-crummy studio apartment, which he can barely afford to live in. Herk is in a good mood today. Herk has usually been in a good mood since starting his current job almost a year ago. That is because Herk has what he believes to be the best job ever. Herk gets out of his bed and begins getting ready for another day of work.

Herk is employed as a personal assistant to a very famous, very successful, very rich, very beautiful female celebrity named Lililalaya. Lililalaya is a supermodel and an actress and a songstress.

Being one of Lililalaya’s personal assistants has not been easy for Herk. Lililalaya is demanding and ungrateful and selfish and cruel. Because of Lililalaya’s demanding nature, Herk rarely gets to sleep more than two hours a night. Lililalaya often ridicules Herk in the presence of others. On numerous occasions, Lililalaya has doused Herk with beverages to punish him for mistakes he apparently made. On numerous other occasions, Lililalaya has doused Herk with beverages to amuse herself.

On his way to work, Herk wonders how many times Lililalaya has doused him with a beverage, and how many different types of beverages she has doused him with, and whether there are still any types of beverages she hasn’t yet doused him with.

Lililalaya is a very busy woman. Her supermodel career and her actress career and her songstress career collectively have left her with very little time for recreational relationships with men, one of her favorite pastimes. For that reason, she has frequently turned to Herk to fill that void.

Herk has been more than happy to fill that void. He considers it the main perk of his job. Because of that perk, and despite how frequently torturous his job is, and despite the fact that Lililalaya doesn’t pay Herk well and recently decreased his salary to an even less generous amount, Herk thinks he has the best job ever.

Herk arrives on a movie set where a big-budget movie starring Lililalaya is in the process of being filmed. Herk is supposed to meet Lililalaya here, where some of her scenes in the movie will be filmed today.

Lililalaya has not arrived on the movie set. The movie’s film crew and Herk and numerous other people are on the movie set, waiting for Lililalaya to appear.

Two hours later, Lililalaya has still not arrived, now very late. Her lateness is not unexpected. Lililalaya is always very late to appointments.

Much later, Lililalaya arrives on the movie set. She does not apologize to anyone for her extreme lateness.

Lililalaya did not arrive alone. She is with her other personal assistant, a woman named Dominica. Dominica is a tall, very strong bodybuilder type. Herk is quite familiar with her. Dominica dislikes Herk, mainly because she is deeply infatuated with Lililalaya and therefore views Herk as her enemy.

Lililalaya is also accompanied by another man. This other man has an arm around Lililalaya. Herk already hates the other man intensely.

Lililalaya introduces Herk to this other man. This other man is named Leonardo. Lililalaya tells Herk that she met Leonardo last night at a party; they they really hit it off; and that, for that reason, she is firing Herk and will be giving his personal assistant job to Leonardo.

Herk is stunned. Images flash through Herk’s mind: Leonardo as Lililalaya’s personal assistant, satisfying Lililalaya’s needs, all of Lililalaya’s needs.

Herk gets on his knees and begs Lililalaya to not replace him with Leonardo. Herk promises that he will work even harder to satisfy all of Lililalaya’s needs, even if it means sleeping only one hour a night, or not sleeping at all ever again.

Lililalaya is quite amused by Herk’s desperation. She tells Dominica to remove Herk from the premises. Dominica gleefully drags Herk away.

EPISODE 3: BLAME

Today, the beautiful, rich, famous female celebrity Lililalaya is laying on a chair-shaped flotation device in her mansion’s indoor, inground pool. She is holding a glass of coconut water and reading a magazine with a picture of herself on its cover. The article Lililalaya is reading is about her. None of the magazine’s other articles interest her.

One of Lililalaya’s personal assistants, a handsome man named Leonardo, is nearby, laying on a lounge chair near an edge of the pool. Lililalaya looks up from the magazine, blows a kiss at Leonardo, then returns to reading the magazine.

Being Lililalaya’s personal assistant isn’t always enjoyable for Leonardo. Lililalaya is a cruel, demanding, selfish person. She is often a very difficult person to work for.

Lililalaya is a very busy woman. Her supermodel career and her actress career and her songstress career collectively have left her with very little time for recreational relationships with men, one of her favorite pastimes. For that reason, she has frequently turned to Leonardo to fill that void. For that reason, Leonardo is more than willing to put up with all the misery that comes with being Lililalaya’s personal assistant.

Lililalaya’s other personal assistant, a woman named Dominica, enters the room containing the inground pool. Dominica is a tall, very muscular woman. Dominica finds Lililalaya very attractive. Unfortunately for Dominica, Lililalaya does not find her attractive. Unlike Leonardo, Dominica is not a source of gratification for Lililalaya, even though Dominica would very much like to be. For that reason, Dominica is very jealous of Leonardo, and despises him.

Dominica is holding a photograph. “I have some bad news, Lililalaya,” Dominica says.

Lililalaya looks up at Dominica. “What is it?” Lililalaya says, annoyed.

“This photograph was in your mailbox,” Dominica says, holding up the photograph. The photograph is of Lililalaya. In the photograph, she is wearing a wig, but it isn’t enough to conceal that the woman in the photograph is Lililalaya. In the photograph, Lililalaya is in a tavern. In the photograph, Lililalaya is sitting at the tavern’s bar and kissing the man sitting next to her.

Lililalaya is furious. She is fiercely protective of the details of her private life, especially in regard to her intimate encounters with men. She has gone through great lengths to keep the details of her personal life a mystery to the general public. There are many, many tabloid magazines that would be willing to pay large amounts of money for the photograph that Dominica is holding.

“There is a message written on the back of the photograph,” Dominica says.

“What does it say?” Lililalaya says.

Reading the message, Dominica says: “‘I have many, many copies of this photograph. If you want them all, meet me tonight at the coffee shop on 347 Stewart Avenue.’”

“It sounds like they’re trying to blackmail you,” Leonardo says.

“Of course they’re trying to blackmail me, you idiot!” Lililalaya says. “This is all your fault, Leonardo!”

“My fault?” Leonardo says, confused.

“Yes!” Lililalaya says. “The photograph was taken on the day that you were off from work! If you hadn’t been off, I wouldn’t have had to go to that tavern to find someone to satisfy my carnal desires! I never would have kissed that sleazy loser and that photograph would have never existed! And now I’m being blackmailed! This is all because of you, Leonardo! I’m going to make you pay for this! Dominica, you know what to do.”

Dominica begins approaching Leonardo. “I’m going to enjoy this,” Dominica says.

“Wait,” Leonardo says. “I don’t understand. I don’t-”

Dominica proceeds to pummel Leonardo mercilessly while Lililalaya looks on approvingly.

EPISODE 4: A GRAND GESTURE

In the evening, the rich, famous, beautiful celebrity Lililalaya enters a crowded coffee shop. To avoid being recognized, Lililalaya is wearing a wig and large, dark sunglasses. She looks around the coffee shop, trying to find the person she is to meet here.

She sees a man sitting at one of the tables. He is the only patron who is not with other people. On the table he is sitting at is a cup of coffee and a cellular phone. He is staring at Lililalaya with an excited, desperate expression, the same type of excited, desperate expression that Lililalaya has often seen on the faces of many of her adoring fans.

Lililalaya approaches the man.

“Hello, Lililalaya,” the man says.

“Are you the one who put that photograph in my mailbox?” Lililalaya says.

“Yes,” the man says.

Lililalaya sits down at the table, directly across from the man.

“The message you wrote on the back of the photograph told me to meet you here tonight,” Lililalaya says. “So I’m here. So tell me what you want.”

“My name is Martin,” the man says. “Martin Pimbly. I’m a friend of Andrew Squervil… the man you are kissing in the photograph.”

“Yes, I remember Andrew,” Lililalaya says. “I was expecting him to be here. I presume you are his accomplice. The one who took the picture of us.”

“It was Andrew’s idea to take a picture of you kissing him,” Martin says. “He wanted to use it to blackmail you for a very large amount of money. He said that if I took the picture for him, he would split the blackmail profit with me. I went along with his plan. I took the picture of you, using the camera in my cellular phone, this cellular phone. But then I double-crossed Andrew: I told him that I had messed up; that I had used the camera in my cellular phone incorrectly; that I had failed to take a picture of you kissing him. But as you already know, the photograph does in fact exist.”

“So you lied to Andrew so you could blackmail me yourself and keep all the blackmail money,” Lililalaya says, wanting to scratch Martin’s face.

“No,” Martin says. “No, that’s not it at all, Lililalaya. I would never try to blackmail you. I love you.”

“What?” Lililalaya says.

“I’ve been in love with you since the first time that I saw you on television,” Martin says. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. I dream about you every night. I hated Andrew so much when you were kissing him. I wanted it to be me you were kissing! I would do anything to be with you the way Andrew got to be with you later that night. That’s why I took the picture of you, Lililalaya. It was the only way I could get you to meet with me. It was the only way I could get this chance to tell you that I love you.”

Lililalaya and Martin sit in silence for a few seconds.

Then Lililalaya says: “Your message on the back of the photograph said that you have many, many copies of the photograph. Is that true?”

“No,” Martin says. “I lied. I only said that to ensure that you would come here. The only versions of the photograph are the one that I left in your mailbox and the one that is stored on this cellular phone.”

“I already destroyed the one you left in my mailbox,” Lililalaya says. “So the only one left is the one stored on your cellular phone?”

Martin picks up the cellular phone. “Yes,” Martin says. “That’s why I have it here for you to see, Lililalaya. I know I’m not the first man to try to win your love, and I know I won’t be the last. So I know it will take a grand gesture to prove that I am the most deserving of your love. That’s why I’m doing what I’m about to do.”

Martin destroys his cellular phone. It is now beyond repair.

“I could have become rich with that photograph,” Martin says. “But I chose not to. Because you’re more important to me, Lililalaya. I love you.”

“So… no versions of the photograph exist anymore?” Lililalaya says.

“No,” Martin says. “None at all.”

Lililalaya is smiling now. She leans across the table, getting closer to Martin.

For one second, Martin thinks Lililalaya is about to kiss him, and it is the happiest Martin will ever be in his entire life.

Lililalaya takes Martin’s cup of coffee and tosses it at Martin’s face. His face and shirt are now covered in coffee.

“You’re an idiot and a loser,” Lililalaya says. “And I will never, ever love you.”

Lililalaya stands up. She exits the coffee shop.

Martin sits in silence. His hands are shaking.

“It wasn’t supposed to turn out like that,” he says, speaking to no one in particular.

EPISODE 5: ZARLENA AND LILILALAYA

A big-budget movie is in the process of being filmed. The name of the movie is “Two Witches”. It stars two actresses: a beautiful woman named Lililalaya and a beautiful woman named Zarlena. In the movie, they both play evil witches.

Lililalaya and Zarlena, who are both successful actresses, despise each other. For that reason, it is very difficult for the movie’s director to get the two actresses to work together on scenes they are both in.

One of the people working on the movie is a sleazy man named Slergo. Slergo, who is aware of Lililalaya and Zarlena’s intense hatred for each other, decides to capitalize on that hatred.

One day, while delivering a revised script to Zarlena in her private dressing room, Slergo casually mentions that he and Lililalaya are secretly dating, and are keeping it a secret to help protect Lililalaya’s private life from becoming the subject of tabloid magazine articles.

Wanting to hurt Lililalaya, Zarlena initiates an intimate encounter with Slergo.

Later, while delivering bottled water to Lililalaya in her private dressing room, Slergo casually mentions that he and Zarlena are secretly dating, and are keeping it a secret to help protect Zarlena’s private life from becoming the subject of tabloid magazine articles.

Wanting to hurt Zarlena, Lililalaya initiates an intimate encounter with Slergo.

Over the next few weeks, Slergo continues to have secret intimate encounters with Lililalaya and Zarlena. Both women continue to think that they are having an affair with the other’s boyfriend, neither one knowing that Slergo has deceived them.

In order to continue having access to both women, Slergo has convinced both women to hold off on revealing their ‘affair’ to the other woman, under the pretense that to do so would compromise the filming of the movie.

Slergo is very much enjoying the situation, though he would prefer it if Lililalaya’s extra-sharp nails weren’t so sharp, and if Zarlena’s extra-sharp teeth weren’t so sharp.

One day, while a scene with Lililalaya and Zarlena is being shot, they get into a heated argument about how Zarlena is reading a certain line. During the argument, Lililalaya, unable to hold back any longer, tells Zarlena that Slergo has been cheating on Zarlena with Lililalaya.

Zarlena is confused. She tells Lililalaya that Slergo has been cheating on Lililalaya with Zarlena.

After talking some more, they simultaneously realize that Slergo has deceived the both of them. They proceed to pummel Slergo mercilessly. Now Lililalaya is scratching Slergo with her extra-sharp nails while Zarlena is biting Slergo with her extra-sharp teeth.

And that was how Lililalaya and Zarlena became best friends.

EPISODE 6: LOLLIPOP

At the moment, a man named Martin Pimbly is standing outside and staring at a very large billboard that is overlooking a busy street. On the billboard is an advertisement for a well-known brand of lollipops. The advertisement features the brand’s celebrity spokesperson, a very beautiful woman named Lililalaya. Lililalaya is a supermodel and an actress and a songstress. She is also an object of desire in many, many men’s fantasies. Martin has often wondered what it would be like to be with her. When he is having intimate encounters with his far less attractive girlfriend Pustilla, he often imagines that she is Lililalaya. Though Martin knows, with absolute certainty, that such fantasies could never rival the real thing. He also knows, with absolute certainty, that Lililalaya is forever out of his reach. On the billboard advertisement, Lililalaya is holding a lollipop and sucking on it and looking like she is deriving great pleasure from it. For the first time in his life, Martin is jealous of a lollipop.

EPISODE 7: PHOTO SHOOT

During an afternoon, on a beach that is currently reserved for a photo shoot, a beautiful female celebrity named Lililalaya is laying on a beach towel on the sand and wearing a very revealing bikini and posing provocatively while a famous photographer is aiming his camera at Lililalaya and taking pictures of her for a magazine cover she will be appearing on.

Various other professionals involved in the photo shoot are also on the beach, standing behind the photographer so as not to interfere with the picture-taking of Lililalaya. The various other professionals are gazing at Lililalaya’s perfect, shapely body, mesmerized by it.

While this is going on, Lililalaya’s personal assistant, a man named Leonardo, who is also on the beach and behind the photographer, begins getting attacked by a flock of angry birds that were drawn to him by the strong, lingering scent of the exotic beverage that Lililalaya doused Leonardo with earlier today. The birds are biting and clawing at Leonardo mercilessly. Leonardo falls to the ground and screams in pain as the birds’ attack continues.

From where she is laying, Lililalaya notices what is happening to Leonardo. She grins, amused. No one else on the beach attempts to help Leonardo either, as they are all too distracted by Lililalaya’s body to notice or care about Leonardo’s plight.

EPISODE 8: VEGAN MILKSHAKE

Today, a very beautiful, very famous female celebrity named Lililalaya is walking down a crowded city street, accompanied by her male personal assistant, Leonardo. At the moment, Lililalaya is holding and drinking a vegan milkshake, and Leonardo is holding shopping bags containing many, many expensive items that Lililalaya purchased today.

Lililalaya is wearing a large hat, a wig, and sunglasses, collectively meant to disguise her, so that she won’t be recognized and pestered by any of her fans, who she despises. Though her disguise is working, she has still been getting noticed by many, many people, due to her shapely body, though none of them have realized that she is the famous actress-slash-songstress-slash-supermodel Lililalaya.

Lililalaya and her personal assistant Leonardo stop to observe a nearby spectacle: outside of a building, a group of many, many large, angry-looking women, who all look like professional bodybuilders, are holding signs and are yelling protest chants in unison, apparently directed at some person or some corporate entity located in the building.

“I wonder what they’re protesting,” Leonardo says.

“Who cares?” Lililalaya says. “I am so bored.”

Out of boredom, Lililalaya throws her vegan milkshake at the large, angry female protestors, who are all looking in the opposite direction.

The vegan milkshake hits one of the female protestors on the head and splatters on all of them.

The large, angry female protestors all stop chanting and turn around, shocked and outraged. They are all staring at Lililalaya and Leonardo.

Leonardo is stunned, unable to comprehend why Lililalaya did what she did.

“Which of you threw that?” one of the female protestors says.

Without hesitation, Lililalaya points at Leonardo and says: “He did it.”

The large, angry female protestors put down their signs and walk toward Leonardo. They proceed to pummel him mercilessly while Lililalaya looks on, amused.

EPISODE 9: VEGAN CAKE

During an afternoon, in the mansion of a very beautiful, very famous, very rich female celebrity named Lililalaya, while Lililalaya is dining on a piece of vegan cake, her personal assistant, a man named Leonardo, says: “Lililalaya, I love you. I don’t want to continue being your personal assistant. I don’t want to continue being another one of your disposable lovers. I want to be your husband. I want us to be a married couple, forever together and forever in love. I love you, Lililalaya. Will you marry me?”

In response, Lililalaya laughs cruelly at Leonardo and smashes the piece of cake onto his face.

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