Unfortunate Andrew on a Game Show

In a television studio, an episode of a game show is being filmed in front of a studio audience. The game show is called Heiress Quest. On each episode of the show, three male contestants compete for the love of a beautiful heiress.

One of the contestants is a sleazy, handsome man named Andrew Squervil. Andrew, who has major money problems, wants to marry a rich woman so he can gain access to her wealth, thereby becoming rich.

The other two contestants are both very handsome, very muscular men. The beautiful heiress that the three contestants are competing for is a very wealthy woman named Elizaveta. At the moment, the episode is at the part of the game where the heiress will make her decision as to which contestant she wants to have a long-term relationship with.

The show’s smarmy-looking male host says: “Okay, Elizaveta, over the past week, you went on dates with these three contestants: Biff, a handsome, financially successful underwear model; Chip, another handsome, financially successful underwear model; and Andrew, a sleazy, unemployed loser with major money problems who only managed to get on this show by having an intimate encounter with the disgustingly fat woman who screens candidates for the show. Now that you’ve had a chance to get to know all three contestants, which of the three do you want to be in a long-term relationship with and potentially share your wealth with?”

After an absurdly long pause, Elizaveta says: “Biff, the date I had with you was amazing. I will never forget that magical experience I had with you in the hot tub. Chip, the date I had with you was amazing too. The pleasure that you were able to give me with just olive oil and your tongue was extraordinary. Andrew, you gave me immense pleasure as well on our date… but some rich ex-girlfriend of yours who hates you paid me an absurdly large amount of money to not choose you. So my choice is both Biff and Chip.”

Biff and Chip slap hands triumphantly while the game show’s ending music begins to play. They go over to Elizaveta and embrace her. Andrew is forcibly removed from the building.

 

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