Horrible Multi-day Employee Retreat – Part 8

In an exotic part of the world, there is a resort island. On this resort island is a hotel. At the moment, a man named Nerwin is walking around the outside of the hotel. Nerwin is an employee of a corporation that manufactures and sells popular honey products. He and his co-workers are staying at the hotel on this resort island as part of the honey corporation’s annual multi-day employee retreat. Nerwin has been having a terrible time on this retreat.

Nerwin sees a beautiful woman named Delila coming toward him. Delila is the honey corporation’s owner and president. Nerwin is very infatuated with her. Unfortunately for Nerwin, Delila is infatuated with a sleazy male employee of the honey corporation named Thad.

“Hello, Delila,” Nerwin says.

“Hello, Nerwin!” Delila says. “Where have you been? This is the first time I’ve seen you since the retreat started.”

“I’ve been around,” Nerwin says. “I guess we just kept missing each other.”

“Thad told me you met a woman on this trip and are now romantically involved with her?” Delila says.

“Yes,” Nerwin says sadly. “Her name is Victoria.”

Nerwin wishes he never met Victoria.

“That’s fantastic!” Delila says. “I’m so happy for you. And I have some good news to share with you as well: I think Thad and I are very close to finally getting romantically involved with each other!”

“Really?” Nerwin says, depressed.

“Really!” Delila says. “Earlier today, we held hands for a few minutes! I think that that’s a good sign!”

“You really don’t know Thad, do you?” Nerwin says.

“What do you mean?” Delila says.

“Delila… I didn’t want to reveal the truth about Thad to you, but maybe I should,” Nerwin says. “Maybe it’s for the best.”

“What do you mean by ‘the truth about Thad’?” Delila says.

“Thad is a sleazy womanizer,” Nerwin says.

“What?!” Delila says. “That’s not true. That’s not true at all! Thad is sweet and shy and kind.”

“Thad is none of those things,” Nerwin says. “Here, let me show you.”

Nerwin leads Delila to the hotel’s outdoor pool area. By the in-ground pool, a beautiful female employee of the honey corporation named Priscilla is laying on a beach lounge chair and wearing a very revealing bikini that reveals much of her shapely body. Thad is kneeling beside her and massaging one of her legs while simultaneously sucking on her toes. Priscilla is very much enjoying this, and appears to be deriving great pleasure from it.

“This is the real Thad,” Nerwin says, speaking to Delila. “He’s been having office affairs with multiple female co-workers.”

Delila is devastated.

“That’s not fair!” she says. “It’s me he should be sucking on!”

“I’m sorry, Delila,” Nerwin says, lying.

“What does he see in Priscilla that he doesn’t see in me?” Delila says.

Suddenly, Nerwin gets a devious idea. He realizes that there might be a way that he could get to be with Delila.

“Priscilla is my ex-girlfriend,” Nerwin says, lying. “Thad stole her from me. He only became interested in her because she was romantically involved with someone else.”

“So… you’re saying that if I was your girlfriend, Thad would try to steal me away from you?” Delila says.

“Yes,” Nerwin says, secretly excited that his plan seems to actually be working.

“Well then… maybe… if you wouldn’t mind helping me out… perhaps for a little while… you and I could-” Delila says.

Suddenly, they are interrupted by Nerwin’s girlfriend Victoria, who comes up to Nerwin, having just returned from the local supermarket. She is carrying a plastic bag containing various purchased items.

“Hello, Nerwin,” Victoria says. “I’m back from the supermarket. Look what I found!”

From the plastic bag, Victoria takes out a box of extra-small condoms. On the front of the box is an anthropomorphic cartoon condom that is smiling and winking and saying via a word balloon: “It’ll be our ‘little’ secret!”

“They had your size!” Victoria says. “And there’s enough in this box to last us the rest of the retreat! Isn’t that great?”

“Yes,” Nerwin says, humiliated. “Great.”

“Who are you?” Victoria says, speaking to Delila.

“I’m Delila,” Delila says.

“Nice to meet you, Delila,” Victoria says. “Come along, Nerwin. It’s time to play indoors again. Goodbye, Delila.”

“Goodbye, Delila,” Nerwin says.

“Goodbye,” Delila says.

Nerwin and Victoria walk away together.

The next day, the final day of the retreat, while Victoria is sleeping in her hotel room, Nerwin stops by Delila’s hotel room, intent on resuming his conversation with Delila from yesterday.

He knocks on the hotel room’s door. Much to his dismay, Thad answers the door instead of Delila.

“Hey buddy,” Thad says, completely oblivious to Nerwin’s dislike of Thad as per usual.

“What are you doing here?” Nerwin says.

“I’ve been having carnal intercourse with Delila,” Thad says. “She’s sleeping right now.”

“But I thought you weren’t interested in doing that with her!” Nerwin says, upset.

“I changed my mind,” Thad says, shrugging. “What are you doing here?”

“Nothing,” Nerwin says. He turns and begins walking away, wondering what would have happened if Victoria hadn’t interrupted him and Delila yesterday.

“See you later!” Thad says cheerfully.

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