Horrible Multi-day Employee Retreat – Part 6

On an ocean is a cruise ship. The ship is traveling to a resort island.

Within the ship, a man named Nerwin exits one of the ship’s many guest rooms. Nerwin is an employee of a corporation that manufactures and sells popular honey products. He and his co-workers are traveling to the resort island for the corporation’s first annual employee retreat.

Nerwin is already having a terrible time on this trip. A very tall, very cruel female co-worker named Milana, who hates Nerwin, covered him in slime and then trapped him inside a garbage can. Then later, after escaping from the garbage can, Nerwin mistakenly drank too much alcohol and, while in his severely drunken stupor, ended up having an intimate encounter with a very tall, very muscular female bodybuilder named Victoria, who he finds repulsive.

Nerwin sees a sleazy, handsome male co-worker named Thad coming down the ship’s internal hallway. Nerwin dislikes Thad, though Thad is oblivious to that dislike.

Thad comes up to Nerwin.

“Hey buddy,” Thad says. “I’ve been looking all over for you! Where have you been?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Nerwin says, the taste of Victoria still in his mouth.

“What happened to you?” Thad says. “You smell like you’re drenched in female bodybuilder sweat.”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” Nerwin says.

“Okay, fine,” Thad says. “Well I have some great news to share with you!”

“What news is that?” Nerwin says, not optimistic. “Wait, let me guess: you had carnal intercourse with Delila, the woman I’m madly, hopelessly infatuated with.”

“No, I didn’t follinuck Delila,” Thad says, referring to the honey corporation’s beautiful female owner and president, Delila. “I follinucked Milana!”

“You had carnal intercourse with Milana?!” Nerwin says.

“Yes!” Thad says.

“I thought you weren’t interested in her,” Nerwin says. “You said she was too tall.”

“Yes, that’s how I felt,” Thad says. “But then I saw Milana getting sun cream rubbed on her back by some guy who was trying to follinuck her, and it made me realize how attractive she is.”

“You’re just realizing this now?!” Nerwin says, furious.

“What are you angry about?” Thad says.

“Thad, the whole reason that Milana hates me and has been making my life a living hell is because of you!” Nerwin says. “She asked me to arrange for you to have an intimate encounter with her… and I agreed to do that in exchange for a favor from her… but after she did me the favor, you rejected her for being too tall! She was humiliated, and she blames me for the humiliation, and she’s been tormenting me as revenge ever since! If you had just follinucked her when I asked you to, none of the miserable experiences I’ve had over the past several weeks would have happened!”

“Sorry, Nerwin,” Thad says.

“Well at least Milana will stop tormenting me, now that she’s gotten what she wanted from you,” Nerwin says.

“Oh, that reminds me: Milana asked me to tell you that this doesn’t change anything between you and her; that she still hates you and she’s still going to torment you,” Thad says.

“Then why did you tell me you had great news?” Nerwin says.

“Well I guess it wasn’t great news for you, in retrospect,” Thad says. “I guess it was just great news for me… and for Milana. Oh look, there’s Milana now.”

Nerwin turns around and sees Milana coming down the hallway. She stops when she sees Nerwin.

“Nerwin,” she says menacingly.

Nerwin begins running away from Milana.

Milana grabs a nearby broomstick and begins chasing Nerwin.

“See you later, Nerwin!” Thad says cheerfully.

 

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