Horrible Multi-day Employee Retreat – Part 2

During an afternoon, in a building that is the headquarters of a corporation that manufactures and sells popular honey products, a low-level employee named Nerwin is sitting in his cubicle and toiling away on a boring project.

Nerwin receives an email from the corporation’s owner and president, a beautiful woman named Delila. Nerwin opens and reads the email. In the email, Delila is asking Nerwin to meet her in her office.

Nerwin is confused and surprised and delighted by this email from Delila. He doesn’t know why she would ever need to meet with him about anything, but he finds her quite visually pleasing and looks forward to any opportunity to spend time in her lovely presence.

A few minutes later, Nerwin enters Delila’s office. Delila is sitting at her desk.

“Hello, Nerwin,” Delila says.

“Hello, Delila,” Nerwin says. “You wanted to see me?”

“Yes,” Delila says. “Please sit down.”

Nerwin sits down across from Delila.

“There’s something I need to share with you,” Delila says.

“There is?” Nerwin says.

“Yes,” Delila says. “I’m madly attracted to someone who works here: Thad.”

“Oh,” Nerwin says, annoyed.

Thad is a sleazy, handsome, male co-worker who Nerwin is acquainted with. Nerwin dislikes Thad, though Thad is oblivious to that dislike. Thad is having office affairs with numerous attractive female co-workers. Nerwin is very envious of Thad.

“Yes, I think Thad is mega-sexy,” Delila says. “A total man-muffin.”

“Oh,” Nerwin says, still annoyed.

“You’re friends with Thad, aren’t you?” Delila says, hopeful.

“Yes, I think of Thad as a friend,” Nerwin says, lying.

“Just the very thought of Thad makes me so very, very…” Delila says. “But for some reason, he doesn’t seem to be interested in me.”

“Really?” Nerwin says. “You mean you and he haven’t…?”

“No,” Delila says sadly. “And it’s not due to a lack of effort on my part. Ever since I met him, I’ve made many efforts to make it clear to him that my legs are open for his business. I’ve given him every womanly sign I can think of. I keep  summoning him to my office for ‘business meetings’, but those meetings never end up going anywhere. I don’t get it. Why isn’t he interested in me? Am I ugly?”

“No, you’re not ugly, Delila,” Nerwin says. “You’re very, very beautiful.”

“Then why won’t he follinuck me?” Delila says, annoyed.

“I don’t know,” Nerwin says, genuinely unsure as to why Thad would not want to have carnal intercourse with Delila.

“Could you help me?” Delila says. “You’re his friend. Maybe you could find out what the issue is and change his mind. I would be so grateful, Nerwin. So very, very grateful.”

“I don’t know if I can help you, Delila,” Nerwin says. “I’m not really sure if there’s anything I can do. Maybe you should just forget about Thad.”

“I would if I could,” Delila says. “But I can’t. Just see if you can change his mind, will you? We have the multi-day employee retreat coming up. I’m hoping to finally successfully seduce Thad while we’re there. Please, Nerwin. Please help me.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Nerwin says, unable to resist Delila’s pretty pleading face.

“Thanks, Nerwin,” Delila says. “You’re a good friend.”

Nerwin gets up and exits Delila’s office, wishing that either he or Thad never existed.

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