Andrew and Riora

During an evening, a sleazy, handsome man named Andrew Squervil goes to the apartment of his ex-girlfriend Riora. He knocks on the apartment’s front door.

Riora opens the door, looking lovely as always. Her apartment, which Andrew used to think was crummy, looks wonderful in comparison to the crummy apartment that Andrew currently resides in.

“Andrew?” Riora says, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“Riora, please take me back,” Andrew says. “I should have never left you for Gloria. It was the worst mistake of my life. I realize that now. You’re the woman I love. You’re my one true soul mate. I ended my marriage to Gloria, so I could be with you. I know you’re now married to Liglio, the male underwear model, but I’m hoping you’ll end your marriage to him, so you can be with me. I love you, Riora. I love you.”

Riora is stunned. “Andrew, I… don’t know what to say,” she says. “I still have feelings for you… but you were really cruel to me! I had given up my life savings to get you out of prison, and I had let you live in my apartment for free. But that didn’t mean anything to you! You cruelly dumped me without hesitation for that rich slut Gloria!”

“I’ve changed, Riora,” Andrew says. “Please give me another chance. Give me another chance.”

“You stole my jewelry too, didn’t you?” Riora says.

“What are you talking about?” Andrew says, acting confused.

“After you moved out of my apartment, I noticed that a piece of jewelry was missing from my jewelry box: a gold, diamond-encrusted anklet that I liked to wear,” Riora says. “Did you steal it and sell it?”

“No!” Andrew says, lying. “Why would I ever do such a thing?”

“I thought maybe you needed the money,” Riora says. “You had major money problems before you left me for Gloria.”

“I would never steal from you,” Andrew says. “And I promise that if you take me back, I’ll do everything in my power to locate your lost anklet and get it back around your lovely ankle, where it belongs!”

“Andrew… I want to give you another chance,” Riora says. “But you must promise me that you’ll never treat me poorly again.”

“I promise,” Andrew says.

“Okay,” Riora says. “Okay, I’ll take you back, Andrew. You’ve got one more chance with me.”

Andrew and Riora kiss each other for a very long time.

“Oh Andrew, I love you so much,” Riora says.

“And I love you,” Andrew says. “So you’ll leave Liglio?”

“I have a surprise for you, Andrew: I already left Liglio!” Riora says.

“You did?” Andrew says, acting surprised. “But the last time we spoke, you said you were getting married to him.”

“We never got married,” Riora says. “I called off the wedding and dumped him after I caught him cheating on me.”

“That’s wonderful!” Andrew says. “You and him not getting married, I mean.”

Andrew is once again deceiving Riora: he already knew about her and Liglio’s break-up, having learned about it from Riora’s friend Pustilla; and Andrew never got married to the rich Gloria; Gloria dumped Andrew and cancelled their wedding; Andrew would never have left Gloria for Riora. Now, Andrew wants to get out of his crummy apartment and back into Riora’s less crummy apartment, as well as regain access to her purse. He considers having access to Riora’s sexy body an added bonus.

The next day, Andrew moves out of his crummy apartment, simultaneously escaping from his hideous, obese female landlord, who had been letting Andrew stay in the apartment for free in exchange for being her plaything. Andrew despises the landlord and her body, but he went along with the arrangement, as it was the best living option available to him at the time. But now, he has Riora again. He moves back into her apartment.

A few days later, Riora comes home from work earlier than expected, and she catches Andrew stealing jewelry from her jewelry box. Enraged, Riora kicks Andrew in the face. She dumps him and evicts him from her apartment, dooming him to return to his previous crummy apartment and the hideous, obese female landlord.

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