Pustilla Hell

During an afternoon,a sleazy, handsome man with major money problems named Andrew Squervil looks at his most recent bank statement and realizes that he has almost no money left in his savings. Feeling very desperate, he goes to the apartment of his friend Martin Pimbly and Martin’s girlfriend Pustilla.

Outside of the apartment, Andrew knocks on its front door. Pustilla opens the door. As always, Andrew finds her hideous.

“Andrew Squervil,” Pustilla says, speaking in her naturally cruel tone. “What a delicious surprise it is to see you.”

“Hello, Pustilla,” Andrew says, annoyed. It is never a pleasure for Andrew to see Pustilla. He wouldn’t even be here if he wasn’t desperate.

“What brings you here?” Pustilla says. “You’re not here to see Martin, are you? He’s away at work and won’t return home until many, many hours from now.”

“Yes, I’m familiar with Martin’s work schedule,” Andrew says. “That’s why I came here now. I came to see you.”

“Let me guess: you want to resume living in our apartment for free,” Pustilla says. “And you came here to ask for my permission, since you know Martin goes along with whatever I want. Unfortunately for you, Andrew, there’s no longer any space for you in this apartment. As I previously told you, that space is now occupied by another person I’m allowing to live here: Liglio, the male underwear model.”

“Liglio still lives here?” Andrew says. “But I thought he got married to Riora and was living with her now.”

“Fortunately for me, the wedding of Liglio and Riora never happened,” Pustilla says. “Riora cancelled the wedding and broke up with him and evicted him from her apartment…after she caught him cheating on her with two female models. Because of his money problems, Liglio had no choice but to move back here… where I welcomed him back with open arms… and open legs, if you know what I mean. Of course you know what I mean, Andrew Squervil.”

Andrew cringes internally. When he used to live in Pustilla and Martin’s apartment, Pustilla let him live there for free in exchange for intimate encounters with her. Martin was completely unaware of the arrangement. Andrew despises Pustilla and her body, but he went along with the arrangement, as it was the best living option available to him at the time. Now, presumably, Liglio is staying in the apartment under the same arrangement, also unbeknownst to Martin. Andrew still has recurring nightmares about his intimate encounters with Pustilla.

“That’s too bad for Liglio,” Andrew says, taking a small degree of pleasure in the idea that Liglio is now trapped in the Pustilla hell instead of Andrew. “But I didn’t come here to move back in. I just want to borrow money from you.”

“Ha!” Pustilla says. “‘Borrow’ money? With all your money problems, you could never repay anyone, ever!”

“Okay, perhaps ‘borrow’ isn’t the most appropriate term,” Andrew says. “I want to obtain money from you.”

“Why don’t you get a job?” Pustilla says.

“I was born into a life of luxury,” Andrew says. “I’m not meant to be a ‘worker’.”

“Too bad you were financially ruined by that pesky lawsuit,” Pustilla says mockingly. “Well, I could give you money. After all, I have full control of Martin’s bank account, which I don’t allow him access to. He would never know if I took a very large amount of money out of the account and gave it to you.”

“Sounds great!” Andrew says, elated.

“There’s a problem though: I don’t want to help you,” Pustilla says. “I have no incentive.”

Andrew gulps. He was afraid it wouldn’t be that easy.

“Okay,” Andrew says, already knowing what Pustilla wants. “I’ll give you an incentive.”

Some time later, Andrew and Pustilla are laying on the bed in Martin and Pustilla’s bedroom, having just completed an intimate encounter. For Andrew it was an odious task, one that he does not intend to ever go through again. He just wants to get his money and get out of here and hopefully never see Pustilla again.

“That was wonderful,” Pustilla says. “It almost makes me regret replacing you with Liglio. Almost. That reminds me: Liglio will be returning home soon. So you should leave now.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Andrew says.

“Oh yes, your money,” Pustilla says.

From a nearby cabinet, she takes out a blank check with Martin’s name and bank account number printed on it.. She fills out the check, then extends it toward Andrew and says mockingly: “Congratulations, Andrew Squervil: you are now officially a male prostitute.”

Andrew takes the check and looks it over and is immediately displeased. The financial amount on the check is very, very low.

“Is this a joke?” Andrew says. “This is barely enough money for me to live on for one day.”

“Then I guess if you want more money from me, you’ll have to come back here tomorrow,” Pustilla says. “And the next day! And the day after that! And the day after that! And so on, forever and ever!”

Feeling defeated, Andrew gets out of the bed and gets dressed, knowing he will be back here tomorrow to get more money from Pustilla.

As he is leaving the apartment, Pustilla says: “I’ll see you tomorrow, Andrew Squervil.”

Andrew knows she is correct. He is once again trapped in the Pustilla hell.