The Quest for Dana

During an evening, a party is occurring in the mansion of a beautiful, rich, single heiress named Dana. Many, many guests are in attendance. The mansion is absurdly overcrowded with people right now.

In addition to the invited guests, a sleazy man named Andrew Squervil is in attendance. Andrew snuck into the mansion about an hour after the party started.

Andrew, who is not rich, has a goal to become rich. He intends to accomplish this goal by marrying a rich woman for her money. That is why Andrew is here in the mansion tonight. He intends to introduce himself to Dana, and seduce her, and con her into marriage, thereby gaining access to her wealth.

In the very crowded mansion, Andrew sees the lovely Dana in the distance. She is talking with some of the guests in the mansion’s parlor. Andrew begins making his way through the crowd, trying to get to Dana.

Suddenly, Andrew is grabbed by a very tall, very muscular woman who looks like she could be a professional bodybuilder. She is wearing a security guard outfit. Andrew finds her immensely unattractive. He loathes unattractive women.

“You’re not an invited guest,” the security guardess says angrily.

“How would you know whether I’m an invited guest?” Andrew says defensively.

“Because I’m the mansion’s security guardess, and I admitted each and every one of the invited guests,” the security guardess says angrily. “I know the names and faces of every person that was invited to this party, and you’re not one of them. I would have remembered someone as handsome as you. You don’t belong here.”

She begins forcibly removing Andrew from the mansion. As he is being removed, Andrew sees Dana in the distance, talking with some handsome men, oblivious to what is happening to Andrew.

A few moments later, outside of Dana’s mansion, the security guardess tosses Andrew off of the mansion’s grounds, into a pile of garbage on the street.

“And stay out,” the security guardess says.

She goes back into the mansion.

A few minutes later, Andrew sneaks back into the mansion via an open window. He enters the mansion’s parlor and sees Dana in the distance, talking with various party guests.

As Andrew is about to approach Dana, he feels someone grab his arm. He turns to his left and sees that it is the security guardess that has grabbed him. She looks furious.

“You just never learn, do you?” she says.

She begins forcibly removing Andrew from the mansion again. As Andrew is being removed, he sees Dana in the distance, oblivious to what is happening to Andrew, talking with a handsome man who she appears quite enamored with.

A few minutes later, outside of Dana’s mansion, the security guardess is pummeling Andrew mercilessly to discourage him from trying to re-enter the mansion again.

A few minutes later, outside of Dana’s mansion, the security guardess is standing over the beaten Andrew, who is laying on the ground.

“If I catch you in the mansion one more time, I’m going to take the thing that’s most precious to you and tie it into a knot!” the security guardess says.

She begins walking toward the mansion, stepping on Andrew’s head in the process.

Feeling desperate, Andrew says: “Wait!”

The security guardess stops and turns around. “You just never learn, do you?” she says. “A knot it is then.” She begins walking back toward Andrew, intent on carrying out her threat.

“Wait!” Andrew says. “I have to get back into that mansion. Surely, there must be something I can do to get you to let me go back in there. I’ll do anything. Anything!”

The security guardess stops. “Anything?” she says.

“Anything,” Andrew says.

“Well, there is one thing you could do…” the security guardess says.

Andrew gulps, knowing what she wants.

Some time later, Andrew is back in Dana’s mansion, wishing he could forget what he did for the security guardess to gain re-entry to the mansion.

In the mansion’s parlor, Andrew sees Dana in the distance. She is now standing alone, not talking with anyone. Andrew walks over to Dana and introduces himself to her and begins conversing with her, trying to charm and seduce her.

Unfortunately for Andrew, because of his encounters with the security guardess, he now has a multitude of unsightly bruises on his face and smells like garbage and female bodybuilder sweat. Therefore, Dana finds him repulsive and rejects him. Andrew leaves the mansion, defeated.

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