A Visit from Jessica

During an evening, a sleazy man named Andrew Squervil is in his crummy apartment, depressed about his most recent failed attempt to con a rich woman into marriage to gain access to her wealth.

Someone knocks on the front door of Andrew’s apartment. Andrew reluctantly goes to the door to answer it. He presumes that the person at the door is his hideous, obese female landlord, who lets Andrew live in the apartment for free in exchange for being her plaything. She usually comes around at this time to receive her ‘rent payments’. Andrew loathes the arrangement, but he has been going along with it, as he has major money problems.

Andrew opens the front door. Much to his surprise, the person standing before him isn’t the monstrous landlord woman. Instead, standing before Andrew is one of his former lovers, a beautiful woman named Jessica.

While Andrew would normally be happy to be visited by a beautiful woman, he is not happy to see Jessica. That is because Andrew’s previous encounter with Jessica led to him being imprisoned for a very long time.

“Hello, Andrew,” Jessica says.

“You!” Andrew says. “Stay away from me!”

“It’s good to see you again, Andrew,” Jessica says.

“I want you gone!” Andrew says. “You ruined my life! I ended up trapped in a dungeon because of you!”

“Oh Andrew, you’re so cute when you’re angry,” Jessica says. “I’ve missed you.”

“What do you want?” Andrew says.

“I felt very bad about getting you imprisoned,” Jessica says. “So I wanted to make it up to you, in my own special way.”

Later, Andrew and Jessica are laying on the bed in the bedroom of Andrew’s apartment, having recently completed an intimate encounter.

“That was great,” Andrew says.

“Yes,” Jessica says. “Absolute carnal ecstasy. You and my boyfriend are the two best lovers I’ve ever had.”

“You have a boyfriend?” Andrew says, amused.

“Yes,” Jessica says. “His name is Grock. He’s a professional wrestler. Perhaps you’ve heard of him.”

“Yes, I’m aware of Grock,” Andrew says, recalling a picture of Grock on the cover of some sports magazine. In the picture, Grock looked very large and very muscular and very, very angry. “Does Grock know you’re here with me?” Andrew says, suddenly very worried.

“No,” Jessica says. “He thinks I’m out shopping with a friend. I normally don’t cheat on Grock, but I made a special exception for you, Andrew Squervil.”

Andrew gets out of the bed and begins getting dressed. “I want you to leave,” he says.

“Why?” Jessica says.

“Because if your crazy wrestler boyfriend finds out about us, he’s going to pummel me mercilessly!” Andrew says.

“Oh Andrew, you’re being paranoid,” Jessica says. “Grock isn’t going to find out about us.”

Suddenly, Andrew and Jessica hear someone loudly kicking down the front door of Andrew’s apartment.

A moment later, Grock enters the bedroom. He looks even larger and more muscular and angrier than he looked in the picture on the magazine cover. Andrew is truly terrified.

“Grock!” Jessica says. “What are you doing here?”

“I knew you were cheating on me, Jessica!” Grock says, moving toward Andrew. “Somehow, I just knew it! So I followed you here!”

“It’s not what you think, Grock!” Jessica says.

Grock proceeds to pummel Andrew mercilessly.

Later, Andrew regains consciousness. He is laying on the floor in his apartment’s bedroom. Grock and Jessica are no longer there. Much to Andrew’s dismay, Andrew’s hideous, obese female landlord is standing over him.

“I’m here to receive my ‘rent payment’, Andrew Squervil,” she says. “And as for that broken front door, I’m going to have to charge you extra for that… if you know what I mean.”

Andrew gulps, knowing exactly what she means. He wishes he was still unconscious.

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