Mia

Mia.jpg

Having recently concluded a very lengthy, very unpleasant incarceration, a sleazy man named Andrew Squervil enters a nightclub that he knows is frequently populated with rich, beautiful, single women. Andrew has a goal to become rich. He intends to achieve this goal by conning a rich, preferably beautiful woman into marriage, thereby gaining access to her wealth. Andrew is hoping to meet such a woman in this nightclub tonight.

Andrew sees a beautiful, shy-looking blond woman standing alone in the nightclub. He makes his way over to her and begins conversing with her, intent on charming his way into her bedroom.

Seducing women has never been much of a challenge for Andrew. It is one of the few things he is actually good at. Despite this ability, he has repeatedly failed to con a rich woman into marriage. With each failure, his goal to become rich feels increasingly, maddeningly elusive, so much so that Andrew sometimes wonders if he is cursed.

At the moment, Andrew’s conversation with the blond woman seems to be going well. The woman, who has introduced herself to Andrew as Mia, seems quite taken with Andrew.

Mia, who is rich, invites Andrew to her mansion. Andrew, of course, accepts the offer. Later, in a bedroom in her mansion, they complete their intimate encounter.

The next morning, Andrew wakes up on the bed in the bedroom. Mia isn’t there. On the bed is a note from her telling Andrew to meet her downstairs for breakfast when he’s ready. On the note, underneath Mia’s words, there is a sexy lipstick imprint.

Andrew reads the note, then stares at the ceiling happily, certain that he’s tricked Mia into falling in love with him. He expects to get married to Mia and live happily ever after, never again having major money problems, never again having to live in the crummy apartment that he currently lives in. Andrew, who has major money problems, currently lives in that crummy apartment for free in exchange for being his hideous, obese female landlord’s plaything. He thinks that he will never again be with the hideous female landlord; that, from here on out, his intimate encounters will be exclusively with beautiful women, like Mia, and the various beautiful women he intends to secretly cheat on Mia with after they get married.

Feeling optimistic about his future, Andrew gets out of the bed and exits the bedroom and goes downstairs to find Mia.

Andrew enters the mansion’s dining room. He sees Mia standing there. She is wearing only a blue robe and looks quite desirable. Andrew walks toward her, intending to separate her from her robe. He leans in to kiss her.

Unexpectedly, she slaps him and then backs away, with a disgusted look on her face. “What are you doing?!” she says. “Who are you?!”

“But… I don’t understand,” Andrew says, very confused. “Mia, I-”

“I’m not Mia,” she says, “I’m her sister, Monica. I live in this mansion too.”

A woman who looks exactly like Monica enters the dining room. This other woman is wearing only a pink robe.

“What’s going on?” the pink-robe-wearing woman says.

“Mia, do you know this creep?” Monica says, referring to Andrew.

“Yes, that’s Andrew Squervil,” Mia says. “We met last night. He’s my new boyfriend and future husband. We’re very much in love.”

“Just a moment ago, your new boyfriend tried to kiss me!” Monica says, sounding enraged.

“What?!” Mia says, also sounding enraged. “Andrew, how could you do this to me?”

“It was just a misunderstanding, Mia!” Andrew says, walking toward her. “You and her look exactly-”

“Get away from me!” Mia says.

She grabs a nearby frying pan and whacks Andrew on the head with it, causing him to become unconscious and fall to the ground.

Later, Andrew wakes up. He is laying on the bed in Mia’s bedroom again. Mia is in the room with him, wearing her pink robe.

“You’re awake,” Mia says. “I’m very disappointed in you, Andrew. You betrayed me.”

“It was just a misunderstanding, Mia,” Andrew says. “When I tried to kiss your sister, I thought she was you. You and her look virtually identical!”

“What are you talking about?” Mia says. “Monica and I look nothing alike! She’s so much prettier than me. I wish I looked like her.”

“But… you and her are identical,” Andrew says, very confused.

“We’re not identical at all,” Mia says. “And if you thought so, then you were confused.”

“I guess… I was confused,” Andrew says, confused. “But still, it was just a misunderstanding, Mia! I would never cheat on you intentionally.”

Mia is looking at Andrew with a displeased, skeptical expression. “While you were unconscious, my sister Monica was trying to convince me to dump you,” Mia says. “She thinks you’re a sleazy loser and that you’ll betray me again. But I’m going to give you another chance with me, Andrew Squervil. Don’t make me regret my decision. I’m going to sun myself downstairs by the in-ground pool in the backyard. Join me there.”

Mia exits the bedroom. Andrew gets out of the bed and exits the bedroom, intending to follow Mia to the backyard. However, in the hallway outside Mia’s bedroom, Mia is nowhere in sight.

“Mia?” Andrew says. “Where did you go?”

Andrew goes downstairs, then eventually finds his way to the mansion’s gigantic backyard. He sees the in-ground pool in the distance. A woman who looks exactly like Mia is laying on a chair near the pool and is wearing a very revealing pink bathing suit.

Andrew is about to walk over to her, then stops. He wonders if this woman in the pink bathing suit is actually Mia or again Monica. Andrew knows he’ll be in trouble if he mistakes Monica for Mia a second time.

Then, much to Andrew’s relief, he sees Monica standing elsewhere in the backyard, wearing the same blue robe from earlier, staring at Andrew hatefully with her arms akimbo.

Andrew walks over to Mia. She is wearing very dark sunglasses, so Andrew can’t see her eyes. She has a frown on her face.

Andrew kneels beside her.

“Mia, I know you’re still angry at me for what happened this morning,” Andrew says. “But I’ll do everything I can to get back in your good graces.”

Andrew begins kissing Mia.

She suddenly jerks her head back and pushes Andrew away. “What are you doing?!” she says. “Get away from me, you creep! Who are you?!”

Andrew is stunned. “But… I thought you were Mia,” he says. “You have to be Mia! Monica is standing over there!”

“I’m Mia’s other sister, Amelia,” she says. “I live in the mansion too.”

“But… why didn’t you say anything before I started kissing you?” Andrew says.

“I was sleeping, you creep,” Amelia says. “I only woke up after you started kissing me.”

Andrew looks over to where Monica is standing. She is staring at Andrew more hatefully than before, with her arms more akimbo than before.

A woman who looks exactly like Monica and Amelia enters the backyard. This other woman is also wearing a very revealing pink bathing suit, which is virtually identical to Amelia’s bathing suit.

“What’s going on?” the newly-arrived pink-bathing-suit-wearing woman says.

“He betrayed you again, Mia,” Monica says. “I saw the whole thing.”

“Yes, he kissed me, Mia,” Amelia says. “He’s horrible.”

Mia looks furious. “How could you do this to me, Andrew?” Mia says. “I trusted you! I gave you another chance!”

Andrew gets up and begins walking toward Mia. “No, it’s not what you think, Mia!” Andrew says. “It was just another misunderstanding! I thought Amelia was you! You and her look so much alike!”

“I look nothing like her,” Amelia says.

“Please, you’ve got to believe me, Mia!” Andrew says, now only inches away from Mia.

“Get away from me!” Mia says. She grabs a nearby frying pan and whacks Andrew on the head with it, causing him to become unconscious and fall to the ground.

Later, Andrew wakes up. He is laying on the bed in Mia’s bedroom again. Mia is in the room with him, wearing her pink robe.

“You’re awake,” she says. “I’m very, very disappointed in you, Andrew. You betrayed me again. You are very, very naughty. My sisters hate you and want you out of our mansion.”

“Mia, please, you must believe me,” Andrew says. “I didn’t mean to kiss your sister Amelia. I thought she was you! She looks just like you!”

Mia slaps Andrew. “How could you say that?” Mia says, as if she is deeply offended. “Amelia is hideous! I look nothing like her!”

“What are you talking about?” Andrew says. “You and Monica and Amelia are all virtually identical, and you’re all total hotties!”

Mia is looking at Andrew with a displeased, skeptical expression. “I’m very strongly considering ending our relationship, Andrew,” Mia says. “But I’m going to give you one more chance. Wait in this room for five minutes and then meet me in the parlor downstairs.”

Mia exits the bedroom.

Andrew waits in the bedroom for five minutes, then exits the bedroom and goes downstairs. He enters the mansion’s parlor.

Standing in the parlor are three blond women, all of whom look like Mia, and all of whom are wearing only identical pink robes. Andrew has no idea which one is Mia.

“What’s going on?” Andrew says.

The three sisters surround Andrew.

“It’s a test, Andrew Squervil,” one of the sisters says.

“A test that will determine whether you will get to live happily ever after with Mia in this mansion or be dumped by Mia and banished from this mansion forever,” one of the sisters says.

“Only one of us is the real Mia,” one of the sisters says. “By now, if you really, truly love Mia, you should be able to distinguish her from her sisters, no matter how similar we look to you.”

“Now, make your choice, Andrew Squervil: kiss which one of us you think is Mia,” one of the sisters says.

Andrew wants to cry. He desperately wants to become rich. He desperately wants to marry Mia for her money. But all three sisters look so much alike.

Knowing his only hope is a successful guess, Andrew kisses one of the three sisters, uncertain as to whether she is Mia.

After the kiss, the sister who Andrew kissed smiles, looking very pleased. This causes Andrew to think he may have made the correct selection. Then she says: “Wrong.”

One of the other sisters grabs a nearby frying pan and whacks Andrew on the head with it, causing him to become unconscious and fall to the ground.

Later, Andrew wakes up. He is laying outside, on the street in front of the mansion. He sees that the mansion’s door is closed. He knows that it won’t open for him ever again. Feeling defeated, he gets up and begins walking back to his crummy apartment.

Inside the mansion, the troublesome triplets, Monica, Inga, and Amelia, are all giggling as they take turns looking through the peephole in the mansion’s front door, watching Andrew as he walks away, unknowingly the latest victim of a game the triplets like to play called “Mia”.

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