Montage of Hideous Women

Montage of Hideous Women.png

During an evening, in a tavern, a sleazy man named Andrew Squervil is sitting at the tavern’s bar and drinking an alcoholic beverage and thinking bitterly about his most recent failed attempt to become rich.

The bartender on duty, who knows Andrew from his many previous visits to the tavern, says to Andrew discreetly: “Hey Andrew, that woman sitting at the other end of the bar is checking you out.”

Andrew briefly looks at the woman sitting at the opposite end of the bar and doesn’t like what he sees. She is fat. And she is wearing a repulsive glittery gold low-cut dress. And she has a very unnatural-looking, excessive tan, like she has spent too much time inside a tanning machine. And she is wearing glittery pink lipstick, which does not go well with her overly tan face. And her fingernails are too long and are painted in various glittery colors. And she has long, wavy dark hair, the one part of her that Andrew doesn’t find repulsive.

Andrew turns back to the bartender. “She’s hideous,” Andrew says. “I would never, ever be interested in someone like her.”

The bartender says: “She’s not completely hideous. Her hair is okay. And anyway, based on some of the stories you’ve told me about yourself, it sounds like you’ve been with women far more unattractive than her.”

The bartender’s statement causes Andrew to become lost in thought. As a horrible song plays on the tavern’s jukebox, he sees in his mind a montage of the many, many hideous women he has been with: Pustilla; Keeka; Ferga; Strinella; Barbara; Tracey; and many, many more.

Andrew snaps out of the montage when he realizes that the hideous woman at the other end of the bar is now standing next to him, smiling at him.

Up close, her face bears a very faint resemblance to the face of a beautiful rich woman from Andrew’s past named Koila. Andrew, who is not rich, has been on a quest to become rich. Some time after beginning this quest, he managed to trick Koila into falling in love with him and they became engaged. He intended to marry her, thereby gaining access to her wealth. Unfortunately for Andrew, shortly before the date that he and Koila were scheduled to be married, Koila found out that Andrew had been cheating on her with another woman. Koila called off her engagement to Andrew and broke up with him. The woman in the tavern looks like she could be an ugly, distant relative of Koila.

“Hello,” the woman in the tavern says, speaking in an accent that is very different from Koila’s accent. “My name is Loika. I’m a rich, single heiress.”

Andrew suddenly sees what he believes to be an opportunity. “You’re rich?” he says. “Uh, I mean, my name is Andrew. It’s nice to meet you. Can I buy you a drink?”

“Yes,” Loika says. “You can buy me a drink.”

Later, after they have spoken for a while, Andrew suggests to Loika that they go to her mansion.

“My mansion is so far away,” Loika says. “Let’s go to a nearby hotel instead.”

“Okay,” Andrew says.

They leave the tavern and go to a nearby hotel. After they’ve checked into a hotel room, they complete their intimate encounter on the hotel room’s bed. Andrew found it to be an odious-but-necessary task. He thinks: soon, I will have access to all this fat slut’s money.

“That was totally awesome,” Loika says, laying next to Andrew on the bed.

“I enjoyed it too,” Andrew says, lying. “Loika, in the short time that we’ve known each other, I’ve fallen deeply in love with you. You’ve arisen feelings in me that no other woman ever has. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”

“Andrew, of course I will marry you!” Loika says. “My answer is yes! Yes, yes, yes!”

“Wonderful!” Andrew says, thinking that his quest to become rich might soon be over.

“But Andrew… there’s something you need to know about me,” Loika says. “I have a confession to make: I’m not really rich.”

“What?!” Andrew says.

“I lied to you,” Loika says. “I’d seen you in the tavern on previous nights, and I’d overheard you talking to the bartender about how you’re trying to become rich. So I thought you would be interested in me if you thought I was rich. But that doesn’t matter now, does it? You still want to marry me, don’t you?”

“You tricked me!” Andrew says. “I can’t believe I had an intimate encounter with you for nothing! You hideous monster! Our engagement is off!”

Andrew gets up and gets dressed and leaves the hotel angrily.

A few minutes later, Loika gets up and gets dressed and leaves the hotel. She goes back to her mansion. When she enters her mansion, she sees her live-in maid, a woman named Tresella. Tresella hands Loika a towel. Loika, who is actually Andrew’s rich ex-fiancee Koila, uses the towel to wipe off her glittery pink lipstick and also the vast amount of make-up that she had applied to her face to make herself have an unappealing, overly tan complexion and also be completely unrecognizable to Andrew. Without the lipstick and make-up, her face now looks quite pretty, and she is now actually recognizable as Koila. Koila then removes the wig that she was wearing to conceal her real hair. Koila then removes the fake, overly long, glittery, multi-colored fingernails she had been wearing over her real fingernails. Koila then removes the yucky glittery gold low-cut dress that she had carefully selected to wear. She then removes the thoroughly lifelike overly tan ‘fat woman’ body suit that she’d been wearing and that had been concealing her real body, which is petite and shapely. Tresella hands Koila a red robe. Koila puts the robe on.

“So how did it go?” Tresella says.

“As I expected,” Koila says, speaking in her actual accent now. “Andrew had an intimate encounter with ‘Loika’ and issued her a marriage proposal, but then rejected her when he found out she wasn’t rich.”

“So Andrew failed your test,” Tresella says.

“Yes,” Koila says. “He hasn’t changed at all since I last saw him. He’s still a sleazy, cruel, horrible person. And he always will be. I’m not giving him any more chances. Though I’m not done having my fun with him. I quite enjoyed seeing the miserable look on Andrew’s face when he was having an intimate encounter with ‘Loika’, trying his best to endure her disgusting, fat body, just to get access to her wealth. It’s amazing what misery he will endure to become rich! I’m going to put him through that suffering again and again… and again and again and again!”

“But how?” Tresella says. “He’s already met ‘Loika’ and she’s already told him that she’d not rich.”

“Yes, but I will visit him again in other, different ‘hideous fat woman’ disguises,” Koila says. “I’ll play new ‘hideous fat woman’ characters who will mislead Andrew into thinking they’re rich, and will then tell him otherwise after he’s had intimate encounters with them. I’ll give him hope and then take it away, over and over again. It will be so much fun.”

“That does sound fun,” Tresella says.

Koila and Tresella both grin evilly.