Release from the Island

In an exotic, largely uncharted part of the world, there is an island that is owned and ruled by a hideous, wealthy woman named Ilgana. Ilgana lives in a castle on the island.

The island is populated almost exclusively by many, many stunningly beautiful women. They are all models from various countries. The island is an exclusive resort for them, a place where they can escape from all the stressors that come from being a female model.

In Ilgana’s castle, there is a dungeon. And in that dungeon, there is a locked prison cell, which contains Ilgana’s only prisoner, a sleazy man named Andrew Squervil. Andrew, who is very good at seducing beautiful women, came to Ilgana’s island with the intention of indulging in all the fleshy delights the island had to offer. Unfortunately for Andrew, that did not occur. Shortly after he arrived on the island, the island’s ruler, Ilgana, who does not like Andrew, had him imprisoned in the prison cell in her castle’s dungeon. He has been trapped there for a very, very long time, constantly tormented by the knowledge that all those beautiful, easy-to-seduce women are out of his reach.

One day, a short, slightly overweight, dark-haired woman who Andrew has never seen before enters the dungeon. She is wearing a form-fitting, zebra-colored dress that outlines her plump body. She is also wearing glittery, silver, high-heeled shoes, which make a lot of noise as she walks. Andrew would find her attractive if only she wasn’t overweight. Because of her weight, however, Andrew instead finds her hideous, and her zebra-colored dress and glittery shoes only magnify the disgust he feels when looking at her.

The woman smiles at Andrew. In an absurdly cheerful tone, she says: “Hello! You must be Andrew Squervil! My name is Tracey Blerp! I’m the new owner and ruler of this island. I purchased it from Ilgana.”

“Ilgana is gone?” Andrew says.

“Yes,” Tracey says. “She’s been gone for a while, actually. I purchased the island from her a few weeks ago, and she moved away shortly thereafter. She had become bored with the island and left to pursue other endeavors. And now I’m in charge of this island!”

“Oh,” Andrew says, cynical. “Let me guess: you’re going to tell me that I’m still going to be a prisoner, just your prisoner now instead of Ilgana’s.”

“On the contrary!” Tracey says. “I don’t agree at all with Ilgana’s decision to imprison you. That’s why I’m here: to release you. I would have come sooner, but I’ve been so tied up with other priorities these past few weeks. But I told myself this morning that I wouldn’t put this off any longer, and that releasing you would be the very first task I complete today, immediately after my daily morning massage.”

With a key that she is holding, Tracey unlocks the prison cell. She opens the cell’s door. “You’re free, Andrew,” she says. “I’ve made arrangements for someone to transport you back to your home country.”

Andrew exits the prison cell, feeling like he is finally entering paradise. “Thanks,” he says, trying to stay on Tracey’s good side. “But I don’t want to leave the island. I’d prefer to continue living on the island, but freely, with you and all the other women.”

“What other women?” Tracey says.

“The female models,” Andrew says, suddenly feeling very worried. “The many, many female models that live on this island.”

Tracey shakes her head dismissively. “They’re all gone,” she says. “I don’t like female models. They cause regular-looking women like myself to have poor self-images. I don’t want any female models on my island. As soon as I purchased the island from Ilgana, I evicted every one of those female models. They’ve all gone back to their respective countries.”

Andrew wants to cry.