Journey Out of the Window

Tonight, Andrew Squervil is visiting a crowded nightclub that he knows is a popular hangout spot for rich, single women. Andrew, who is not rich, is hoping to meet a rich, single, preferably beautiful woman who he could seduce and subsequently marry for her money.

While Andrew is in the night club, he sees a rich, beautiful woman from his past named Prettia. She has spotted Andrew and is approaching him rapidly, clearly very happy to see him. While most men would be delighted to be approached by a shapely hottie like Prettia, Andrew is not. He has not forgotten about his previous, horrible experience with Prettia.

“Andrew!” Prettia says, now very close to him. “Andrew Squervil! It’s me: Prettia! Do you remember me?”

“Of course I remember you, Prettia,” Andrew says. “How could I possibly forget you after what you did to me?”

“Oh, you’re not still angry about all that, are you?” Prettia says.

“You told me you were single,” Andrew says.

“I know, but I only said that because I really like you, and I didn’t want to turn you off,” Prettia says.

“You left me locked inside your shoe closet!” Andrew says. “I was trapped in there for days! I had to survive by eating your shoes! And after your husband discovered me in there, he pummeled me mercilessly!”

“Oh, I didn’t know about all that,” Prettia says.

“Your husband didn’t mention to you that he found me in your shoe closet and beat me mercilessly?” Andrew says.

“I had already left him by then,” Prettia says.

“You left your husband?” Andrew says.

“Yes, I’m divorced now,” Prettia says. “So now that that pesky husband is out of the picture, I’m thinking you and I could pick up where we left off. I’ve thought about you often since that night we met, Andrew. It makes me sad that we never got to complete our intimate encounter. There was so much I wanted to do to you that night. If only that idiot husband of mine hadn’t shown up unexpectedly. But now we have a second chance!”

“I’m no longer interested,” Andrew says. “Not after what happened. You totally misled me. I thought I was going to get to be with you, and maybe later get to marry you for your money. And instead I didn’t get either of those things.”

“But now you can get to be with me, and you can get to marry me!” Prettia says.

Andrew is now looking at her skeptically. “You’re really not married anymore?” he says.

“I told you, I got divorced,” Prettia says.

“And you’re still rich?” Andrew says.

“Yes,” Prettia says “Very, very rich. I live in a different mansion now, but it’s just as luxurious as the other one was. It can be yours, Andrew Squervil. And I can be yours too. Come with me back to my mansion. My hot, luscious body needs you.”

Andrew is now gazing at Prettia’s hot, luscious body, and his anger toward her is beginning to be replaced by lust and greed. For a very long time, Andrew has been on a quest to become rich by marrying a rich, preferably beautiful woman for her money. During this quest, he has experienced much suffering, including imprisonments, merciless beatings, and intimate encounters with hideous women. But now, right in front of him is a beautiful rich woman offering herself and her wealth to him.

“Okay,” Andrew says. “Let’s go back to your mansion.”

“Yay!” Prettia says.

This can only end well, Andrew thinks as he and Prettia leave the nightclub together.

Later, Andrew and Prettia enter Prettia’s mansion. Her current mansion looks eerily similar to her previous mansion.

“Your current mansion looks eerily similar to your previous mansion,” Andrew says.

“Does it?” Prettia says. “I hadn’t noticed.”

She leads Andrew upstairs, into the mansion’s master bedroom, which looks very similar to the master bedroom in her previous mansion. This bedroom has some framed, expensive-looking paintings hanging on its walls, but appears to be devoid of photographs of any kind.

Prettia lays on the gigantic bed that is in the center of the bedroom. “Join me, Andrew,” she says.

As Andrew is about to join Prettia on the bed, they both hear the very loud sound of the mansion’s front door being opened and then closed. Prettia suddenly looks very worried.

She looks out the bedroom’s window. Andrew looks out the window too. He sees a very expensive-looking car parked in front of the mansion, a car that definitely was not parked there before, when Andrew and Prettia arrived at her mansion.

“Oh no,” Prettia says. “My husband is home!”

“Husband?” Andrew says. “You said you got divorced!”

“I did get divorced,” Prettia says. “And then I got married to another, richer man. He was supposed to be on an out-of-country business trip until tomorrow. It must have ended early.”

Andrew is feeling dizzy. It seems to be happening all over again, almost identically.

Like last time, Prettia is now frantically pulling out various framed photographs that she hid under her bed. The photographs are all of Prettia and a very large man, presumably her new husband. Now Prettia is hanging the various photographs on the bedroom’s walls, presumably in the same spots she took them down from after her husband left on his business trip.

“You need to hide somewhere before he comes upstairs,” Prettia says, speaking in a low whisper. “If he finds you here, he’ll pummel you mercilessly.”

“No, not again…” Andrew says. “I can’t go through all this again. I can’t!”

“Keep your voice down or he’ll hear you!” Prettia says.

She goes over to where the bedroom’s only closet is. The closet’s door is made of steel and looks very impenetrable. Prettia unlocks the closet door, then opens it. “Hide in here!” she says.

Andrew looks at the closet. As expected, it is packed with an absurdly large amount of women’s shoes. Thanks to the presence of those shoes, there is barely any space left in the closet for Andrew. From his previous experience, Andrew knows it will be a very uncomfortable, very painful hiding spot.

“No, I can’t do it,” Andrew says. “I can’t get trapped in another one of your shoe closets!”

“But there’s nowhere else to hide!” Prettia says.

“I’ll hide under your bed,” Andrew says.

He goes to hide under the bed, only to find out that that is not a possibility: underneath the bed are many, many more of Prettia’s shoes, leaving not enough space for Andrew to fit there.

“You won’t be able to fit under there,” Prettia says. “You have to hide in the shoe closet! It’s your only chance!”

“I’ll go out of the window and climb down from there,” Andrew says.

“But it’s so high up!” Prettia says. “You could fall and your handsome face could become damaged!”

Andrew goes to the window, intending to go out of it and climb down to the ground below. Then he looks down and realizes how high up he is from the ground outside. Fear overcomes him.

“If you’re going to go out the window, do it now!” Prettia says. “I hear him coming up the stairs! Hurry!”

Andrew is still standing by the window, debating whether to go out of it. “This seems very dangerous,” he says. “Maybe I shouldn’t do this. Maybe we should just let your husband find out about us.”

Prettia, in a panicked state, pushes Andrew out of the window.

As Andrew is falling toward the hard, cruel, concrete ground below, he realizes that he has once again failed to become rich, and has once again failed to be with Prettia.