Olga or Inna

“Olga… and Inna,” a silky smooth, Russian-sounding male voice sings, accompanied by a sexy, pulsating, techno beat. As the song continues, the beat becomes increasingly intense, and the singing male voice becomes increasingly excited, as if he is experiencing great pleasure: “Olga… and Inna. Olga… and Inna. Olga… and Inna! Olga… and Inna! OLGA… AND INNA! OLGA… AND INNA! …”

The song is playing in a crowded nightclub located in a highly populated city. Many people in the nightclub are dancing to the song.

The song, titled “Olga and Inna”, is wildly popular. It was written, sung, and recorded by a musician named Sliv Slitsky, shortly before he mysteriously disappeared while on a cruise with his girlfriend Teresa. Teresa discovered the recording the day after Sliv disappeared. She found it under the bed in the room she and Sliv had been staying in on the cruise ship.

Many people think Sliv is dead. In actuality, he is very much alive, and concurrently residing on two islands in an exotic, largely uncharted part of the world. The two islands are within swimming distance from each other, allowing Sliv to travel between the islands on a regular basis.

Unbeknownst to Sliv, the two islands, when viewed from overhead, together bear a strong resemblance to the chest of a voluptuous woman. This resemblance is appropriate, given the circumstances that brought Sliv to these islands.

Sliv was in need of artistic inspiration. He hadn’t been able to come up with a hit song in almost three years. The body of his long-time girlfriend Teresa didn’t inspire him like it used to, even though it was still a wonderland by most men’s standards. So Sliv decided to go on a cruise with Teresa, hoping that this new experience might somehow give him the artistic inspiration he craved. The cruise ship took Sliv and Teresa and its three-hundred forty-nine other passengers to an ocean located in an exotic, largely uncharted part of the world.

On the second day of the cruise, while Sliv and Teresa were having breakfast in one of the cruise ship’s restaurants, Teresa became acquainted with a female passenger named Donna, who was dining at the table next to Sliv and Teresa’s table. When Teresa introduced Sliv to Donna, and Donna shook Sliv’s hand, she squeezed it tightly, as if to let Sliv know that she desired him, and would gladly squeeze more than just his hand. Unfortunately for Donna, Sliv did not find her at all attractive. If not for that, he would have gladly considered cheating on Teresa with Donna.

Although Donna was currently sitting at her table alone, she was not on this cruise by herself. “I’m on this cruise with my two friends Olga and Inna,” Donna said. “I’m supposed to meet them here for breakfast. They should both be arriving at any moment now. Oh, there they are now.”

Sliv turned to the entrance of the restaurant and saw Olga and Inna for the first time. Upon seeing Olga and Inna and their luscious bodies, Sliv heard the song playing in his mind for the very first time: “Olga… and Inna. Olga… and Inna. Olga… and Inna. Olga… and Inna! Olga… and Inna! OLGA… AND INNA! OLGA… AND INNA! …” He had found his new artistic inspiration, and it was Olga and Inna.

To only briefly describe them would be a disservice to their beauty, but here are brief descriptions nevertheless: Olga is very tall, and is made up of many visually pleasing things, including but not limited to: long, straight, blond hair; a pretty face; large, perfectly shaped breasts; a slim waist; and long legs; and Inna is of average height, and is also made up of many visually pleasing things, including but not limited to: long, wavy, brown hair; a pretty face; large, perfectly shaped breasts; a slim waist; and legs.

Sliv desired Olga and Inna badly. He wanted to be on Olga and in Inna. And in Olga and on Inna. And in and on and under Olga. And under and on and in Inna.

He now hated his girlfriend Teresa, for not being Olga and/or Inna.

In the cruise ship restaurant, Teresa did not notice Sliv’s externally subtle reaction to Olga and Inna’s entrance, but Donna noticed it immediately. She could tell by the subtle change of expression in Sliv’s face that he had been bitten by the metaphorical bug of lust. Donna smiled mischievously. She saw Sliv’s attraction to Olga and Inna as an opportunity to get what she wanted, which was Sliv. It wouldn’t be the first time Donna used her friendship with Olga and Inna to ensnare a man she desired.

After Olga and Inna joined Donna at Donna’s table, Donna briefly introduced her friends to Sliv and Teresa. Olga and Inna were polite enough during the introductions, but clearly weren’t interested in Teresa and Sliv, and were especially not interested in Sliv. During the introductions, he slipped into the conversation that he was a musician and that he’d had a hit song a few years ago, but Olga and Inna were clearly not impressed at all, and somehow became even more disinterested in Sliv. Donna was amused by Sliv’s failure to impress Olga and Inna.

“Well, we’d better be going now,” Teresa said, still oblivious to Sliv’s new obsession. “It was nice meeting all of you.”

“Likewise,” Donna said. “Enjoy the rest of the cruise.”

“You too,” Teresa said.

Later in the evening, while Teresa was asleep, Sliv found a private, isolated room located elsewhere on the cruise ship. In that room, he set up his small, portable recording equipment, and a small music device. With the music device, he began playing a sexy, pulsating, techno beat that he had previously recorded. While the beat was playing, he began singing to the beat and recording himself while doing so: “Olga… and Inna. Olga… and Inna. Olga… and Inna. Olga… and Inna! Olga… and Inna! OLGA… and INNA! …” And so on.

Eventually, the beat concluded and Sliv stopped singing and stopped the recording device. He knew he had a masterpiece in his hand. But that didn’t matter to him now. He no longer wanted another hit song. He wanted Olga and Inna.

The next day, while Sliv and Teresa were sitting in beach chairs and sunning themselves by the cruise ship’s outdoor pool, Sliv’s cellular phone rang. He answered it.

“Hello?” he said.

“Hello, Sliv,” the caller, Donna, said. “This is Donna.”

“Who?” Sliv said, confused.

“We met yesterday morning, at breakfast,” Donna said. “I didn’t think you would remember me. You seemed too distracted by my friends Olga and Inna.”

“How did you get my phone number?” Sliv said.

“I have my ways,” Donna said. “But that’s not important. What’s important is, I can help you with your obsession with Olga and Inna. I’m staying in Room 193. Meet me there tonight at midnight. I’ll be waiting for you.”

She ended the call.

Sliv put the phone down.

“Who was that?” Teresa said.

“Wrong number,” Sliv said. “They sounded very confused.”

“Oh,” Teresa said, still oblivious. “So have you given any more thought to that conversation we were having about marriage?”

Later, at midnight, while Teresa was asleep in her and Sliv’s room, Donna let Sliv into Donna’s room, Room 193.

“I knew you’d come,” Donna said.

“So what’s this all about?” Sliv said, weary, but secretly hopeful.

“It’s simple: I can help you with your desire for Olga and Inna,” Donna said. “I’ve known the both of them for years. I know their likes, their dislikes, their turn-ons, their turn-offs. I know exactly how they will react to each and every thing. Right now, neither Olga or Inna has any desire for you. Inna even said she thinks you’re repulsive. But I know all the things you could do and say to seduce either of them. They’re goddesses, but they’re not impenetrable. They can both be seduced. I’ve helped many, many men seduce Olga and Inna, men who would have had no chance with them without my help. And I can help you too.”

“Please, help me,” Sliv said. “Tell me whatever I need to do to have them.”

“Oh, I will,” Donna said. “But there’s a price you must pay first. You didn’t think I would give you such valuable information for free, did you?”

Sliv gulped. He already knew what the price was. He wished it was a large amount of money instead. He followed Donna to her bed.

Later, after Sliv had finished paying the price, Donna said: “So which one do you want to seduce: Olga or Inna?”

Sliv was confused. “I want to seduce them both,” he said.

“You can’t seduce them both,” Donna said.

“Why not?” Sliv said.

“Because that would most certainly ensure your doom,” Donna said.

“I don’t understand,” Sliv said.

“Perhaps I should explain,” Donna said. “Olga and Inna are dangerous to men. Olga and Inna are fun and beautiful and sexy, but they’re also poison. They’ve ruined the lives of many, many men. Many of their ex-lovers are now in jail, destitute, mentally deranged, or all three. By getting involved with just Olga or just Inna, there’s a possibility you will end up suffering a terrible fate. But there’s at least a chance you might be one of the lucky few ex-lovers who escape relatively unscathed. However, if you seduce both Olga and Inna, your doom is almost certainly guaranteed. Every man who ever seduced both Olga and Inna ended up suffering terribly. Combined, they’re too much poison for one man to handle. I can’t stress this enough: for your own safety, please make a choice: Olga or Inna. Which will it be? Olga or Inna?”

Olga or Inna.

Olga or Inna.

He couldn’t decide. It was like being asked to choose between two different, but equally wonderful paradises. He knew he could never be content to experience just one, never knowing what the other was like.

“I want them both,” Sliv said. “Olga and Inna.”

“You don’t know what you’re doing,” Donna said.

“I know what I’m doing,” Sliv said. “Tell me how to seduce Olga and Inna. Not just one or the other. Both.”

“You’re putting yourself in danger,” Donna said.

“I’ll be fine,” Sliv said. “I can protect myself from these two supposedly dangerous women.”

“So be it,” Donna said. “You were given fair warning. But I guess you’ll have to find out for yourself. Okay then, Sliv Slitsky. I’ll tell you everything you need to know to seduce both Olga and Inna.”

Later that night, Sliv knocked on the door of Room 107, which was Olga’s room. Olga answered the door, looking as beautiful as ever. Initially, she was weirded out by Sliv’s presence, but that quickly changed when he began talking, telling her all the romantic, seductive things Donna had advised him to say to Olga. In a short amount of time, Olga was practically dragging Sliv into her room and onto her bed. The experience that followed was even more amazing than Sliv had imagined it would be.

Some time later, Olga and Sliv were laying on the bed together.

“I want to be with you when you break up with your girlfriend tomorrow,” Olga said, speaking in her sexy, Russian-sounding accent. “I want to see the look on her face when she learns that you’re leaving her for me. It will be delicious.”

Even Olga’s cruel nature was a turn-on for Sliv.

Later, after Olga had fallen asleep, Sliv got dressed and snuck out of Olga’s room to go visit Inna.

He knew this was his last chance to turn back. Donna had warned him. He knew that the sensible thing to do at this point was just be content with the glorious paradise that is Olga. But he couldn’t.

He knocked on the door of Room 47, which was Inna’s room. Inna answered the door, looking more and more beautiful with each passing second. Initially, she was disgusted by Sliv’s presence, but that quickly changed when he began talking, telling her all the romantic, seductive things Donna had advised him to say to Inna. In a short amount of time, Inna granted Sliv access to her room, and her bedroom, and her. The experience that followed was different from, but just as amazing as his experience with Olga.

Later, while Sliv and Inna were laying on the bed, and while Inna was talking in her sexy, Russian-sounding accent about how she wanted to be with him when he broke up with Teresa for her, Sliv was wondering if there was some way he could maintain his new relationships with Olga and Inna. He wondered if there was some way he could prevent each of them from finding out about his relationship with the other.

Then Olga let herself into Inna’s room, using the extra room key Inna had given her.

Olga was furious to find Sliv there with Inna. Upon realizing why Olga was furious at Sliv, Inna became equally furious with him.

Olga and Inna proceeded to pummel Sliv mercilessly.

“You cheating cad!” Inna said.

“You infidelious monster!” Olga said.

“We both trusted you!” Inna said.

“We both loved you!” Olga said.

The pummeling continued and continued, for many, many hours. Sliv had never experienced so much pain before. He lost consciousness several times, only to be quickly reawakened by a punch to the face or a kick to the head.

Eventually, Olga and Inna stopped pummeling Sliv and threw him out of Inna’s room.

Sliv was stumbling around the cruise ship, very disoriented and barely conscious due to the beating he had suffered. While in this state, he tripped and fell off of the cruise ship, into the ocean. As it was very early in the morning and most of the passengers were still asleep, no one was around to see Sliv fall into the ocean.

The cold ocean shook Sliv out of his disoriented state. He realized where he was and was now frantically trying to stay afloat. He screamed for help, but no one could hear him, and no one had seen him fall into the ocean.

Then, as if the ocean was conspiring against him, rapid, massive waves began moving him further and further away from the cruise ship until it was nowhere in sight.

Eventually, the ocean brought him to the two islands that he is now permanently confined to.

Over the next several weeks, Sliv explored both islands thoroughly, and learned several things, including: that the islands are both completely devoid of other people; that the only food available to him on the islands is slimy and disgusting; and that his chances of ever being rescued are nonexistent.

He named one island Olga. He named the other island Inna.

Sliv hates both the Olga island and the Inna island. He especially hates the islands’ slimy, disgusting food, which always reminds him of Donna when he is eating it.

At the moment, Sliv is looking at the dark, cloudy sky. A viscous storm is brewing. He needs to decide which of the two islands he will seek shelter on tonight, which of the two will keep him safer from the storm: Olga or Inna.

Olga or Inna.

Olga or Inna.

He still can’t decide.