Lethal Acceptance Speech

During an evening, a man named Edwin is sitting on a couch in the apartment of his fiancee and long-time girlfriend Martha. Martha is sitting next to Edwin on the couch. They are watching television, specifically a live, very prestigious annual movie awards show.

“I don’t know why you want to be watching this,” Martha says. “All it’s doing is feeding your bitterness toward her.”

“There’s a good chance she’s going to lose tonight,” Edwin says. “I want to see her fail. I want to see the expression on her face when she finds out someone else has won the award for best supporting actress.”

“Why?” Martha says.

“It’ll make me feel better,” Edwin says.

“If you say so,” Martha says.

Edwin used to be a talent agent. For a while, he was moderately successful at it.

One of his clients was a beautiful actress named Zarlena. Before hiring Edwin as her talent agent, Zarlena had been thoroughly unsuccessful in her career. Within a few months of the start of Edwin and Zarlena’s business relationship, Edwin obtained several speaking roles for Zarlena in commercials. Within a year, Edwin obtained a role for Zarlena on a sitcom. Though the sitcom was cancelled after only three episodes, it greatly increased Zarlena’s celebrity status.

During his time as Zarlena’s talent agent, Edwin, who was already in his relationship with Martha, had an affair with Zarlena. Edwin would have gladly left Martha for Zarlena, but Zarlena wasn’t interested in getting into a serious romantic relationship with Edwin.

So Edwin remained with Martha, who never found out about Edwin’s infidelity. Martha did suspect that something had gone on between Edwin and Zarlena. Martha questioned Edwin about it a few times, but Edwin always vehemently denied it, eventually convincing Martha that his and Zarlena’s relationship had been strictly a professional one.

Some time ago, Zarlena was cast in a big supporting role in a big-budget movie called “Evil People In Space”. In the movie, Zarlena plays an evil woman named Minerka. Shortly after being cast in this role, Zarlena fired Edwin and hired someone else to be her talent agent.

Edwin was shocked and devastated by this unexpected development. To make matters worse, Zarlena’s firing of Edwin received a substantial amount of media coverage, causing Edwin to have a public reputation as a bad talent agent. This led to all of Edwin’s other clients firing him as well. He was never able to work as a talent agent again. Zarlena had ruined his career.

The ruination of Edwin’s career led to financial problems for him. Luckily for Edwin, Martha is a successful businesswoman and is more than happy to financially support him during this dark period of his life.

Edwin is still very bitter about what Zarlena did to him, but he also misses her. More specifically, he misses her attractive body. He often thinks about Zarlena’s body when he sees pictures of her on magazine covers, or when he sees large, succulent melons on display at the local supermarket.

But Edwin’s current feelings toward Zarlena are more anger than lust.

For her performance as Minerka, Zarlena has been nominated for the best supporting actress award that will be given out at the movie awards show tonight. Zarlena is not likely to win the award, as two other nominees are heavily favored to win. Edwin very much hopes that Zarlena loses tonight. He desperately wants to see her fail at something, even something as irrelevant as winning a best supporting actress award.

And now the award for best supporting actress is about to be announced. On the stage, before the large audience, the presenter announces the winner. The winner is Zarlena. The look that Edwin was hoping to see on Zarlena’s face is on his own face instead.

“I’m sorry,” Martha says, trying to console him.

And now Zarlena is on the stage, holding the best supporting actress award and giving her acceptance speech.

“Thank to you all so much!” Zarlena says. “Your applause means so much to me! I really enjoyed playing Minerka and getting to work with so many talented people. There are so many people I want to dedicate this award to, but one person in particular comes to mind: my former talent agent Edwin. Edwin, if you’re watching, I want you to know that, though I would never even consider rehiring you as my talent agent, our time together meant a lot to me. You were many things to me: a great friend, a good listener, and, above all else, a generous lover. So I dedicate this award to you, Edwin, wherever you are! Thank you, everyone!”

Zarlena walks off the stage as the audience applauses.

In Martha’s apartment, Martha is punching and scratching Edwin as he tries to explain away his exposed affair with Zarlena.

“I should have never trusted you!” Martha says. “Get out of my home, Edwin! I do not want to ever see you again! We’re finished! And you can forget about me helping you out with your financial problems!”

Later, Edwin is walking down an empty street, unsure what to do now. He sees a movie poster on a brick wall. This poster is for an upcoming movie called Holograms. Zarlena’s image is on the poster. In the poster, Zarlena is posing provocatively and featured prominently. The poster lists her as the movie’s lead actress.

“Take me back, Zarlena,” Edwin says, staring at the image of Zarlena. “Please take me back!”

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