An Offering

Today, an attractive woman named Julia is walking toward a mansion that belongs to a rich divorced woman named Strinella. At the mansion, Julia knocks on its front door.

Strinella opens the door. She is wearing a garish, multicolored robe. Moments ago, she was upstairs in her bedroom with her current plaything, a sleazy, non-rich man named Andrew Squervil.

“Yes?” Strinella says, annoyed by the disturbance, and annoyed by Julia’s attractiveness.

“Hello,” Julia says. “I’m here to see Andrew.”

“Who are you?” Strinella says, suspicious.

“I’m his sister,” Julia says, lying.

“I didn’t know Andrew had a sister,” Strinella says, still suspicious. “Andrew’s never mentioned you.”

“We’re estranged,” Julia says, lying again. “So can I see him? I’ve come a long way and spent a lot of time and money trying to track him down. I want to reconcile with him.”

“Okay,” Strinella says. “Andrew! Come down here!”

Andrew comes out of Strinella’s bedroom, wearing the same type of robe as Strinella’s. He walks down the long staircase, to Strinella.

Andrew is very surprised to see Julia standing at the door.

“She says she’s your sister,” Strinella says. “Is she really?”

“Yes,” Andrew says, not yet sure whether he has any reason to go along with Julia’s lie. “Yes, she’s my sister. Hello, Julia.”

“Hello, Andrew,” Julia says. “It’s been a long time.”

“Yes, it has,” Andrew says. To Strinella, Andrew says: “Can you give us a few minutes alone?”

“Of course,” Strinella says, very suspicious. “Just a few minutes.” She goes into another room in the mansion, far away from Andrew and Julia.

Andrew glares at Julia, who is looking sad and apologetic.

“What do you want?” Andrew says.

“I came here to apologize,” Julia says.

“You’re not fooling me,” Andrew says. “I know you’re up to something.”

“I’m not up to anything, Andrew,” Julia says. “I’m still madly in love with you! I tried to convince myself otherwise, but I can’t lie to myself anymore! I love you!”

“You pushed me into manure!” Andrew says. “You ruined my chance to marry a rich, beautiful woman for her money! I could have become rich! But now, because of you, I’m nothing more than an ugly woman’s plaything. She won’t even let me swim in her inground pool! And I have to let her do all kinds of horrible things to me on a daily basis just to be allowed to drive her car! Do you have any idea where my mouth has been? You’ve ruined my life, Julia!”

“I know,” Julia says. “And I know that you’re a horrible person, and I know that you seduced me and pretended to fall in love with me just to get access to information I have access to, but I am still madly, hopelessly in love with you! Please forgive me and please love me!”

Andrew begins to close the door.

“Wait!” Julia says. “I have something for you.”

Andrew keeps the door open. “What do you have for me?” he says.

Julia takes a manila envelope out of her purse. “This,” she says, holding the envelope out to Andrew.

Andrew grabs it. “What is it?” he says.

“The document containing the information you tried to steal from me,” Julia says. “I’m giving it to you.”

Andrew rips open the envelope. He begins examining the document that was in the envelope. “Are you serious?” Andrew says. “Is this for real?”

“It’s real, Andrew,” Julia says.

Andrew is looking at Julia, searching for any hint of deception in her eyes. “Why are you doing this?” Andrew says.

“I told you, I’m still in love with you, Andrew,” Julia says. “I’m hoping you’ll realize that what we had was special. I’m hoping you’ll realize I’m your soul mate. I’m hoping you’ll abandon your quest relating to that document. I’m hoping you’ll throw away that document and come live with me instead, in a committed, monogamous relationship. So… what do you think?”

Andrew closes the door on Julia, then continues reviewing the document. With this document, he could become rich and not have to continue being Strinella’s plaything. Andrew sneers, unaware that he is now back on a path that will ultimately lead to him being miserable for a very, very, very long time.

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