Forever Derwin

Today, on the 135th floor of an office building of a corporation that manufactures and sells honey products, a man named Nerwin is in his cubicle, toiling away on a boring project. Nerwin is a low-level employee at this honey corporation.

Nerwin is thinking about Jenna, an attractive female employee of the corporation. Unlike Nerwin, Jenna has her own office. She is higher up in the company, and Nerwin is one of her subordinates. He has been quite fond of her for quite some time.

Unfortunately for Nerwin, Jenna is not aware of his infatuation with her. In fact, Jenna is barely aware of Nerwin’s existence, even though she has known him for years and has work-related interactions with him nearly every day. Jenna thinks Nerwin’s name is Derwin.

Nevertheless, Jenna is always very kind to Nerwin. Nerwin finds her a lot kinder, as well as a lot classier, than most of the people who work here. Nerwin finds most of the people who work here to be vile, shallow, callous, self-serving monsters. But not Jenna. Jenna is different, he thinks.

Nerwin remains hopeful that he and Jenna will be together someday; that somehow, she will begin to remember his name and fall in love with him.

One of Nerwin’s co-workers, a sleazy man named Thad, enters Nerwin’s cubicle. Thad is the same age as Nerwin, but more physically attractive than Nerwin. Thad has been intimately involved with various women at the company, including the company’s attractive owner and president, Gloria. Nerwin dislikes Thad, but Thad is completely oblivious to that dislike. And, for some reason, Thad often confides in Nerwin and keeps Nerwin updated as to all of Thad’s intimate encounters with women.

Nerwin notices that Thad has lipstick on his neck. Nerwin expects that he is about to hear about another one of Thad’s intimate encounters.

“Let me guess: you were in one of your ‘meetings’ with Gloria,” Nerwin says, disinterested. He is still working on his boring project and not giving Thad his full attention.

“No,” Thad says. “But it was a meeting just as good as that. With Jenna.”

Suddenly, Nerwin stops working. Thad now has Nerwin’s full attention. “What?” Nerwin says. “Jenna?”

Thad nods enthusiastically.

Nerwin can barely speak. “I don’t understand,” Nerwin says. “How did Jenna… Why would she-”

“It didn’t even require any effort on my part,” Thad says. “She called me into her office. Next thing I know, the office door is closed and she’s all over me. Totally unexpected. All this time, I didn’t think she was that type of woman.”

“I didn’t think so either,” Nerwin says sadly.

“I have to go meet with Gloria now, but I’ll provide you with all the graphic details later,” Thad says, oblivious to Nerwin’s sadness. “Oh, by the way, do you know someone who works here named Derwin? Jenna told me to remind Derwin to send her the updated spreadsheet. I didn’t know who or what she was talking about.”

“I do,” Nerwin says. “I’ll pass the message along.”

“Great, thanks!” Thad says. He exits Nerwin’s cubicle.