Returned Suitcase

At the moment, Andrew Squervil, who has once again failed to marry a rich woman for her money, is standing outside the mansion of his most recent failed conquest, a beautiful rich woman named Gloria. Gloria and Andrew were engaged. Earlier today, Gloria called off the wedding. Now, she wants nothing to do with Andrew.

Surrounding the mansion is a tall, locked, circular gate, which Andrew is on the outside of. He has been standing there for a long time.

“Gloria!” Andrew says, his face between two of the gate’s cold, impenetrable steel bars. “Gloria! Please take me back! Please take me back! Gloria!”

Andrew sees the front door of Gloria’s mansion being opened. For a millisecond, Andrew is optimistic. Then he realizes that the person who opened the door is not Gloria, but rather one of her many maids: an attractive woman named Lethelia. Lethelia is walking toward Andrew, carrying a suitcase that belongs to Andrew. Andrew brought the suitcase to Gloria’s mansion when he moved in there. At the time, the suitcase contained his belongings. He suspects that it once again contains his belongings, now that Gloria wants nothing to do with him.

“Here are your belongings,” Lethelia says. She tosses the suitcase over the gate, to the side Andrew is on. Andrew catches the suitcase.

“Gloria instructed me to destroy all your things, but I figured I should return them to you instead,” Lethelia says. Unlike Gloria’s other maids, Lethelia doesn’t despise Andrew. In fact, in the short time that Lethelia has known Andrew, she has become infatuated with him. Andrew is aware of this infatuation and was planning to discreetly take advantage of it after getting married to Gloria.

“You’ve got to help me get her back, Lethelia,” Andrew says.

“It’s over, Andrew,” Lethelia says. “Gloria has already moved on. She has a date with a very handsome man tonight.”

“But it’s only been a few hours since she broke up with me!” Andrew says.

Lethelia shrugs. “Gloria is a hussy,” Lethelia says. “You know that. Men are like candy to her. And candy can be easily replaced by other candy.”

“I was so close,” Andrew says, speaking to himself, not Lethelia. “So close.”

It wasn’t the first time Andrew failed to marry a beautiful rich woman for her money. And it won’t be the last. Unbeknownst to Andrew, there are many, many more failures to come. His misery has barely begun.

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