Escape from the Shoe Closet

One day, a rich, very large man named Vlik returns to his mansion. Vlik was away on a cruise for the past few days.

He went on this cruise with his beautiful trophy wife Prettia. However, Vlik did not return with Prettia. During the cruise, Prettia met another man. This other man is richer than Vlik. For that reason, Prettia left Vlik for the other man.

Vlik is very angry about this. He wants to take out his anger on the other man, but did not get the opportunity to do so.

Now Vlik is home, surrounded by many, many reminders of Prettia. He wants to rid himself of all these reminders and pretend she doesn’t exist.

Vlik decides he will start by discarding Prettia’s many, many pairs of shoes that are kept in a shoe closet in the mansion’s master bedroom. So Vlik goes to the mansion’s master bedroom, which, until recently, he shared with Prettia. In the master bedroom, Vlik walks over to Prettia’s shoe closet. He unlocks the closet’s steel door, then opens it.

Much to Vlik’s surprise, the closet contains not only Prettia’s many, many shoes, but also a man. The man is sleazy person Andrew Squervil, though Vlik doesn’t know that, as he never met Andrew before. Andrew had been trapped in Prettia’s shoe closet for several days, surviving only by eating a few of Prettia’s many, many leather shoes.

Thinking that Andrew is some kind of burglar, Vlik instinctively punches Andrew, causing him to fall to the ground. Vlik then pulls out his cellular phone with the intention of calling the police.

“Please don’t call the police!” Andrew says. “I’m not a burglar! This is all a huge misunderstanding!”

Vlik holds off on calling the police. “Why are you here if not to rob my mansion?” Vlik says.

Andrew, who is too mentally drained to come up with a believable lie, tells Vlik the truth: that Andrew met Prettia in a nightclub; that Prettia invited Andrew back to the mansion; that Andrew went with her to the mansion with the intention of completing his seduction of her; that, before the completion of that seduction could occur, Vlik arrived home unexpectedly; that Prettia made Andrew hide in her shoe closet before Vlik could find Andrew in the bedroom with Prettia; that Prettia locked the shoe closet’s door for some reason, trapping Andrew inside; that Prettia and Vlik then left the mansion to go on the cruise; that Prettia apparently forgot that she had left Andrew trapped in her shoe closet.

“So, in summary, I’m not a burglar, just a man who tried to seduce your wife,” Andrew says.

Vlik puts away his cellular phone. “I believe you,” Vlik says. “I won’t call the police.”

Andrew breathes a sigh of relief.

Vlik proceeds to pummel Andrew mercilessly.

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