Blame

Today, the beautiful, rich, famous female celebrity Lililalaya is laying on a chair-shaped flotation device in her mansion’s indoor, inground pool. She is holding a glass of coconut water and reading a magazine with a picture of herself on its cover. The article Lililalaya is reading is about her. None of the magazine’s other articles interest her.

One of Lililalaya’s personal assistants, a handsome man named Leonardo, is nearby, laying on a lounge chair near an edge of the pool. Lililalaya looks up from the magazine, blows a kiss at Leonardo, then returns to reading the magazine.

Being Lililalaya’s personal assistant isn’t always enjoyable for Leonardo. Lililalaya is a cruel, demanding, selfish person. She is often a very difficult person to work for.

Lililalaya is a very busy woman. Her supermodel career and her actress career and her songstress career collectively have left her with very little time for recreational relationships with men, one of her favorite pastimes. For that reason, she has frequently turned to Leonardo to fill that void. For that reason, Leonardo is more than willing to put up with all the misery that comes with being Lililalaya’s personal assistant.

Lililalaya’s other personal assistant, a woman named Dominica, enters the room containing the inground pool. Dominica is a tall, very muscular woman. Dominica finds Lililalaya very attractive. Unfortunately for Dominica, Lililalaya does not find her attractive. Unlike Leonardo, Dominica is not a source of gratification for Lililalaya, even though Dominica would very much like to be. For that reason, Dominica is very jealous of Leonardo, and despises him.

Dominica is holding a photograph. “I have some bad news, Lililalaya,” Dominica says.

Lililalaya looks up at Dominica. “What is it?” Lililalaya says, annoyed.

“This photograph was in your mailbox,” Dominica says, holding up the photograph. The photograph is of Lililalaya. In the photograph, she is wearing a wig, but it isn’t enough to conceal that the woman in the photograph is Lililalaya. In the photograph, Lililalaya is in a tavern. In the photograph, Lililalaya is sitting at the tavern’s bar and kissing the man sitting next to her.

Lililalaya is furious. She is fiercely protective of the details of her private life, especially in regard to her intimate encounters with men. She has gone through great lengths to keep the details of her personal life a mystery to the general public. There are many, many tabloid magazines that would be willing to pay large amounts of money for the photograph that Dominica is holding.

“There is a message written on the back of the photograph,” Dominica says.

“What does it say?” Lililalaya says.

Reading the message, Dominica says: “‘I have many, many copies of this photograph. If you want them all, meet me tonight at the coffee shop on 347 Stewart Avenue.'”

“It sounds like they’re trying to blackmail you,” Leonardo says.

“Of course they’re trying to blackmail me, you idiot!” Lililalaya says. “This is all your fault, Leonardo!”

“My fault?” Leonardo says, confused.

“Yes!” Lililalaya says. “The photograph was taken on the day that you were off from work! If you hadn’t been off, I wouldn’t have had to go to that tavern to find someone to satisfy my carnal desires! I never would have kissed that sleazy loser and that photograph would have never existed! And now I’m being blackmailed! This is all because of you, Leonardo! I’m going to make you pay for this! Dominica, you know what to do.”

Dominica begins approaching Leonardo. “I’m going to enjoy this,” Dominica says.

“Wait,” Leonardo says. “I don’t understand. I don’t-”

Dominica proceeds to pummel Leonardo mercilessly while Lililalaya looks on approvingly.

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